Smoke Me.

Chapter 12: Russian Dolls

After he left, I spent the rest of the night drinking and passed out. Since I dreamt about my grandma, I somehow pulled myself together the next morning to go to class.

After he ignored me for the next two days, I slipped 'I'm sorry' notes in his backpack every single day and followed him around like I was possessed. The alcohol helped me stay in denial as I continued to stalk him like it was completely normal although we did have similar schedules and our ways home and to shop coincided. Another thing that helped immensely... I wasn't sure if he noticed me at all. In fact, I was almost certain that he didn't.

He got a part-time job as a cashier like he said he would, and that only made me realize I hated how he smiled at strangers. The store he worked at was too small for me to walk into without him noticing and even if it wasn't, I was too afraid to find out if he was going to use a fake smile and pretend that he didn't know who I was.

I was jealous of his coworker like the moon must be of the sun. He seemed like a nice guy and even after I asked around, I couldn't find any dirt on him which had me so relieved that I rewarded myself with more alcohol. Yet the more they talked, the more jealous I became over the fact that he got to talk to Jungkook at all.

So I started drinking stronger booze. After a while, my body got so used to it, that I had to drink more and more. I was growing tired of drinking but I hated being sober exponentially.

The same dream haunted me every time until I was exhausted enough to pass out. The marvelous dream in which my mom kept asking me to pour her a drink as well.

And when I'd refuse she'd start crying while saying that I was a horrible son.

Undeserving of love.

Therefore, I barely slept, I had no appetite, and my grades were starting to suffer.

Fred left me to my own devices since he was busy with getting back on his feet and even if the other guy apparently dropped off the face of the earth all of a sudden, it still didn't cheer me up enough. He tried to console me but after listening to the rest of the fight he missed... he told me I should confront Jungkook when I am calmer and when he seems better.

A bit earlier today, he reminded me that Taehyung promised to pay me back in two weeks and it's been over a month, so I had to call and meet up with him.

Sober, he requested.

Sober, I went.

I hated every step I took toward our meeting place. I hated everyone who was happily passing me by. And I hated myself.

But I abhorred having to see his face the most.

"You look worse than the last time I saw you. What did you do? Shower?"

"Where's my money?"

"I don't have it."

The sun was going down, the ducks were excitedly talking on the lake, the birds were singing in the trees and the wind was making me feel cold. Despite being in the mood to set fire to everything, I smiled, since it gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. The golden chance to punch his face into the ground made the whole day suddenly ten times better.

I rolled up my sleeves but he didn't even take a step back.

"My friend keeps my money for me. I can't keep it on me or at home."

I rolled my sleeves back down and got visibly sadder.

He burst out laughing and I waited while he sent a text.

"Follow me."

"Where?"

"Party. The guy who throws it has my money. You could use some fun too."