AN: This chapter is not very long, but that's for a reason. We did a huge time leap by the way. I'll explain it slowly during the chapter so I hope it's not confusing.
Jungkook's Perspective:
People are selfish for a multitude of logical reasons.
But there are some particular reasons that we don't even want to admit to ourselves.
We turn a deaf ear and gaslight ourselves. Cause if you can't see the wound, then you have no obligation to heal it. On the other hand, you also do not have a real shot at healing it if you don't accept that it's already there.
All my selfish actions seemed to grow from the same seed.
The same old seed I've been watering with everything I've got.
I've put all my eggs in one basket, as they say.
And that basket. I ripped it to shreds.
All the eggs fell to the floor.
So, I could either find one that's whole or I should start stomping on all of the mess.
'Dancing on a grave.' They'd call it.
And that's what I was doing.
But I didn't dare dance on someone else's grave. I could only ever dance on my own.
Because I am that selfish when it comes to taking myself out of the equation.
When it comes to extracting myself from the present moment.
And instead, live in the background.
Watch the scene that's unfolding.
People talking and moving.
Nature being nature. Kids being kids.
Smoke being smoke. Dark being darker.
But not take any of it in. Not let it affect me enough to ruin the peace.
Cause I was peaceful although it was in the middle of chaos.
I, one of the members of the Jeon family was not courageous enough to go back home.
So instead. I did the only thing I was ever taught how to do.
Deal at clubs.
And Namjoon told me that junkies can't be dealers.
And I've always wondered why.
Today, I've found out.
As I stumbled on my way to a teenager while palming the small bag in my jacket.
The lights were piercing through my head like shooting cylindrical blades.
The beat was a heart beating itself to a heart attack.
My legs were still carrying me, although I could barely feel them.
Seeing anything and retaining the information I was seeing was eating away all of my focus.
I only had to ask one sentence:
"Hearts?"
And smile.
One nod. Two nods.
A quick escape to the gentlemen's bathroom.
A small bill. A bill too small for the price.
They'd leave the bathroom. Then, I'd be alone.
Refusing to look in the mirror.
I headed home after I found myself longing to lay on the floor more and more.
YOU ARE READING
Smoke Me.
ФанфикNamjoon has been in love with Jungkook ever since they were little even though they rarely ever talked to each other. Now they're still in the same class, in the same school, but they only interact when Jungkook gets weed from Namjoon in the school...
