Smoke Me.

Chapter 19: Cheshire Cat

By the time Namjoon got home, I was already asleep.

When I woke up, however, I got the answer to the question: did I screw up? When for the first time, I wasn't the little spoon. No, not even a leg was thrown on top of me or at least, part of his arm.

He wasn't even facing me.

Another person could fit in the space between us.

My eyes fixated themselves at the back of his head and when I finally looked away, it felt like all the guilt was slowly suffocating me. So, I smoked my emotions away.

Instead of making them smaller, they felt even more real than they did before.

"Hey, get up. It's..."

He flinched as if my touch was painful.

Looking as if he hasn't been sleeping at all.

"I'll go take a shower."

"It's too late for that. Do you know what time is it?" I argued.
"Why didn't you wake me up sooner then?" The bite in his words was probably unintentional or at least, that's what I told myself.

I didn't have to tell him to let go of my hand when we got too close to school 'cause he was walking ahead of me, without looking back.

And I almost forgot the reason why he was passive-aggressive with me until I saw Yoongi bored in his seat and the usual classmates hanging by his side.

He ignored me as well.

Neither looked at each other.

It was like we never talked.

I sank into a dark hole inside the pit of my stomach, that felt more like a hurricane. And I waited for this day to pass. The clock on the wall made no sound, but I could've sworn there was this countdown that was driving me insane.

We walked home, hand in hand with our new best friend: silence.

I was forced to realize that his legs were indeed longer than mine.

Little old me, trying to catch up with him, like a child chasing after his parent.

After a while, I gave up.

I watched him getting inside his house and leaving me behind the door all alone.

Biting the inside of my lip and feeling like my whole body was just a big wound, I went in, ready to talk. But he wasn't there to hear the unprepared speech I was ready to perform.

The sound of the shower hit me like a slap to the face.

When I saw him next, he made food for both of us.

I accepted the remote whilst we ate dinner and watched Tv like it was a peace offering.

We kept talking like nothing happened.

But I didn't buy it.

So, when we went to sleep and he turned around, I placed an arm around his chest and my face against his back.

He didn't say or do anything. We just fell asleep like that.

The next day he showered alone, but then he offered me a cup of hot coffee on our way to school and along the way, we somehow ended up talking about the difference between a cheap coffee and an expensive one, a cold one or a hot one and most importantly, plastic cups, cans or actual cups. Pretty soon, I tried to ignore the fact that he always kept a distance of two or three steps from me. Until he said this:

"You know, I'm thinking of joining a gym."

"Are you kidding me? When? You've like three free hours during the day. Four max."
"It'll only take one hour. It's not far from here either."
"Can I come too?" I mumbled,
"Of course. Do you really want to, though? I didn't think working out was your thing."
"It isn't. But I want to try."
'Since you'll have no more time left for me...'