Smoke Me.

Chapter 66: No Shore in Sight (Special)

AN: The next chapter will be up in either a few days or a week. (Hopefully)

Jungkook's perspective:

'You like to talk about facts, don't you? As if people can be summed up with just one word. As if one action defines you and erases every good deed you've done before it.

It doesn't make any sense, but you must obey. Cause there's a list of things you cannot do or else you'll get punished. No one is truly free in a society that cares more about the papers than the people.

But you don't like to talk about why we end up before you. You never ask why. You don't talk about loneliness, struggle, dead ends, hopelessness, depression, panic attacks and failed dreams. No, it's all about that one bad thing you did to keep yourself afloat. You, the judge, can't help anyone with the rest, in fact, I'll lock you up for that one thing cause it's all your fault, isn't it? Or your parent's fault. This might make them even more unhappy. But if it was about your child, then damn, you'd try to help him or her until your last breath. And if you couldn't, then you'd hide them from the world in the name of protection.

If it's another's child. You don't care. Even though, we're all someone's child. That's how we all got here.

But parents also tell the child what they should and shouldn't do.

By that logic, shouldn't you also be doing the rest of the job of a parent? Why are you, the judge, nitpicking?
You don't care how many times I've tried to change. I've tried to be what's considered 'good' and I was just suffocating.

No one can help with a wound that can't be seen. No one.

The system for this was built so you'll be on your side or else, no one will be.

And if someone is, well, we can't disappoint them, or we'll crumble.

No one in your position wants to talk about how hard it is to disappoint everyone, including oneself.

As if doing what's illegal because all that's all we have to numb the pain, or is the one thing that makes one feel anything else besides numbness, which is a soul eating addiction, it's something we get a thrill out of.

As if risking your safety and sanity is something fun. We must lower our heads and feel ashamed for not being able to do it all on our own.

But after everything, I can't. I am not ashamed, for doing all I could to keep me sane.

So, fuck you.

And thank you for not thinking about what's actually happening instead of judging it.'

That's what I thought before they locked me up.

And then, while I was stuck in there, I thought that there were moments of happiness sprinkled throughout my life. They were brief, but they were there and I started to miss them every day.

I always thought that the high was my source of happiness, but I never looked back and thought of it that way. I guess I simply wanted it to be, cause people are far more complicated.

I, too, was a hypocrite. I refused to think about the rest because it hurt me just like it would've hurt the judge.

The happiness I remembered stemmed from the unplanned conversations. The jokes that were said by mistake.

The times I woke up and I wasn't alone.

That was it.

Happiness in itself, is unpredictible.