Smoke Me.

Chapter 24: Mine

I was pissed. The more I thought about the few times we've talked for the past week, the more annoyed I was. And though I was hoping it didn't show. Well, I was certain that everyone from our class knew something was up when I'd flat out ignore anyone speaking to me, even the teachers. Everyone from the club migrated away and left the corner of the room filled with empty desks for me to stew in. But Jungkook most likely didn't notice a damn thing. And I was confident he wasn't going to. Whilst contemplating if I was happy about it or if I was simply lying to myself.

Like a kettle burning on low heat for one long week, I was running out of water. And right after Bora finished gossiping about my bad mood with Kwan close enough for me to hear it, and as she nodded absently whilst studying next to my exhausted, anxiety-ridden, and oblivious reading boyfriend, I dared to check my messages for the tenth time that day. Michael finally texted me the details for the party that I said I wasn't going to go to the last time we saw each other.

I looked down at my phone and then up at Jungkook's dark eye circles, messy hair, and frail body, tapping my leg to the point that Sony felt compelled to sit down next to me and to subtly ask: "What's making it rain over your head, big guy?"
I quickly turned off the phone, leaving Michael on read, without any answer to the not-so-subtle question: "Do you and your unflowered boyfriend need me to keep a room empty for later. Yes, or yes?"

"What's up, Sonny?" I said back without even facing him.

"That's my line." He mumbled and then went on, "I didn't think you'd want anyone bothering you, but you kind of seem on edge about something. I can listen to whatever's on your mind, you know? Make it seem less daunting...whatever it is?"

Sony placed a hand on my non-stop tapping foot for just one second. Somehow, my whole body responded by completely turning towards him. Mainly because I didn't want to be caught staring at Jungkook, and also because I'd help me stop glaring at the pen my secret boyfriend was chewing on for the past half an hour.

"You smoke, don't you?"
"Marlboro. Why? Did you start smoking?"
"No! No..." I cleared my throat and leaned in, assuming he'd talk quieter if I did so, "But if you quit and all of a sudden someone would offer you, say just one or two cigarettes, would that ruin your...clean streak for good?"
"Depends. How long of a streak are we talking?" He leaned back, obviously not deeming simple cigarettes worthy of whispering.

"I don't know, two months and a bit? I think..."
"And how long did that person smoke for?"
Scratching the back of my head and checking on what everyone was doing only to say as low as possible: "Two or three years? I'm not sure."

"I didn't catch that. How long?"
"Three years at most. I think." I said a bit louder.
"Okay..." Sony started, looking where I've been glancing for just a second before faintly smiling. "Well, I can't speak for every smoker out there since everyone's different..."
"Right...But?"
"But it really depends on a lot of things. If you get just one cigarette from a friend it might be a bit easier. Compared to buying a whole pack for yourself, since now you'd have it at home. Hence, you'll try really hard not to think about it. But you know it's just... there. The only way to stop at that point is to throw it away, but I've never been able to do that, so..." He shrugged.
"You failed to quit before?"
"A couple of times. To be honest, I'm that child that still thinks it looks cool, but my hair smells, my clothes smell...my folks aren't happy about it either. I took a side job just to pay for my packs yet every time I feel the smallest pain in my chest, I freak the fuck out." He laughed. And I nervously laughed back.

'And yet, you didn't quit...'

"So, out of the house, just one's fine?" The serious tone wiped the joy off his face.
"May be. Or it might just get the cravings going which would lead to that person buying a pack and then, it might start all over. And keeping a streak is easier than quitting all over again. Trust me."
"But what if that person doesn't plan to stay....to quit for a long time anyway? And just for a while longer? Like for a set period of time. Being so close to the finish line already...wouldn't that help?"
"Might..."