Owned (Minsung fanfic/smut)

Chapter 95

jisung pulled on a hoodie as he made sure he had his room key. he tied his laces before walking towards the door.

it was getting late and he planned to go for a walk to clear his head, he didn't really want to leave the hotel but his head was clouded and spinning. it was late but he couldn't stay inside any longer, he was driving himself crazy.

he closed the door behind him, walking down the corridor and into the elevator, he pressed the button for the ground floor, taking a few deep breaths as he rode it down. he stepped out and walked through the lobby and outside into the cold.

it was dark but he didn't care much, he put his hands in his pockets, shivering a little as it was cold. he walked away from the hotel in a random direction, keeping his head down, watching the sidewalk under his feet.

he looked up as he felt a few droplets of rain, pouting slightly.

"rain is the last thing i need, come on."

after a few more minutes of walking, jisung had to pull his hood up as it started to rain steadily.

he looked around a little, standing under a street lamp as he figured out where he should go, he took a deep breath of fresh, cold air, ignoring the way his hoodie was getting soaked in the rain as it got heavier and he tried to focus on clearing his head.

he glanced either said of him before crossing the road, making sure no cars were coming. he didn't care much, everyone hated him anyway, they'd be better off if he stepped into a busy road and let them live their lives happily.

"don't think like that jisung." he whispered under his breath as he got to the other side of the road, looking up as a car drove past.

he wiped his forehead with his sleeve, pulling his hood down, his hoodie was soaked through already so it wasn't protecting his hair anyway. he ran his hand through it, remembering when he got it dyed blue at the mall and minho liked it.

he leaned against a wall near the road and moved his hand, resting it on his own cheek, it was always comforting to him to have someone touch his face, to cup his cheeks, kiss his forehead, anything. he wished it was minho holding his face, he teared up as he pretended his own hand on his face was minho's.

"my good boy"

jisung wanted to be minho's good boy, he knew he wasn't, he was a bad person for everything he did, but even though he messed up so badly he was still hurting too, he knew minho only met him because he wanted to use his body, he knew it was a contract that didn't include love or a relationship or affection but the affection minho willingly gave him lead jisung to believe minho loved him despite the contract, or even liked him a little bit in that way.

he was inexperienced in love and relationships, he couldn't understand why minho chose to cuddle him and kiss him and praise him and get so protective over him outside of sex if he didn't have feelings for him.

whatever minho felt, jisung loved him and he felt dirty and ashamed now that he had used chan in such a way.

he looked down at his own body, struggling to understand why his sex drive was racing, why he wanted to throw himself at anyone he could. he didn't understand why the need for sex felt so strong when he was hurting.

jisung looked up as someone walked past, he didn't pay much attention to them other than watching them pass. he started to think about relieving everything by hooking up with a stranger, he immediately hated himself for that idea but it would mean he could get his feelings out without using someone he loved.

he bit at his lip as another person walked past before shaking his head and covering his face. he felt helpless, he wanted to understand himself so badly but he couldn't, the more he thought about what he wanted the dirtier he felt.

he was soaked and shivering by now, his hoodie sticking to his body as he rubbed his arms.

jisung imagined being in warm, dry clothes, in minho's bed with him, cuddled up against his chest, feeling minho pet him and whisper praises in his ear, he would listen to minho's heartbeat as he lay his head on his chest and focused on how warm and loved he felt.

minho felt the same way, he was sitting on a bench in a park near his house, he took a coat with him but his wet hair still hung over his face from the rain. he wanted to listen to the same rain but inside, cuddled close to jisung. except this time, he wanted to curl up in jisung's arms, he wanted to rest his head on jisung's chest or hide his face in the younger's neck, he wanted to lean against jisung's touch and be praised, not necessarily in a submissive way, but in a comforting way. he wanted to be told he was loved and cared for, he wanted to be told he was good and that he meant something to jisung, he wanted jisung to promise to never leave him and tell him that he didn't need anyone but minho.

he loved jisung so much, be hated himself for not returning jisung's love immediately but he had been in denial, he was scared and vulnerable and he acted without thinking.

and now jisung hated him, hearing jisung say that he didn't want him broke his heart. he loved jisung so much it hurt to imagine jisung with chan.

he imagined scenarios in his head of jisung having sex with chan, moaning louder than he ever did for minho, he pictured jisung thinking back to minho's pathetic attempts to pleasure him and laughing, making fun of him with chan and it made him want to sob. he went to the club to apologize for how he acted and he hoped to come away from the club with jisung agreeing to be his.

what he didn't expect was to leave the club in tears and go home to cry against minjoon's shoulder for hours because the very idea of jisung not needing him anymore was enough to break him.

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A/N
not proof read, sorry
-Ash ♡