Taste of Life

8

"I'm glad you visited me here." Father Jim told me.

"I'm so happy to be back. It felt so peaceful here." I gave him a small smile. The best thing I could give right now.

"You can tell me." He suddenly said while we are enjoying the silence.

"Huh? Ang alin Father?"

"Am I wrong? Wala bang bumabagabag sayo? Ganon kasi parati. Naghahanap sila ng kapayapaan kasi hindi nila yon matagpuan sa iba."

I didn't answer. I stayed silent. Asking myself why I'm here. What made me drove to Don Bosco when I'm just supposed to be at the Grid.

"Father how do you know na this is your calling? How could you give up a possibility to have a family? Someone that would take care of you when you're old."

He laughed like I asked the most stupid question he heard. Napakunot ang noo ko.

"You're young pa nga." He said.

"It's a genuine question, Father Jim."

"Hijo, you don't love, or get married just because you want someone to take care of you. You dont get married because you expect your partner to give you a child. You love, you marry, because you'll lose your mind, you'll lose yourself if you don't."

I stayed silent.

"To be really honest, love is not a choice. It's something you do instantly without even trying. It's a natural thing to do."

"I don't feel anything close to that." I seriously said.

"Because you're young. Wag mong madaliin. Unless gusto mo mag pari?" He jokes.

"I don't think so, Father. I want my parents have."

"What do they have?"

"Happiness, Love? I don't know."

"I have those things too."

"My best friend told me she likes me. But she's like a sister to me. I don't know what to say. I don't want to hurt her." I finally let it out.

"Why would you hurt her?"

"If ireject ko siya."

"Gusto mo ba siyang ireject?"

"I don't know."

"You know, when you went here alam mo na. You knew what you already want. When she said that, you have your answer already. You just want validation. You want someone to stand beside you na tama ang gagawin mo."

He's painfully right.

"But you know what? I wouldn't do it. You have to make a choice. You have to be honest. Honesty can go along way, Troye."

And that's what I hold on to when I drove back to Manila. I texted mom and dad that I went to Don Bosco saglit. They are both cool about it.

When I reached The Grid. Daddy seems like waiting for me.

"What's up?"

"Ikaw bata ka, umamin ka nga. Gusto mo ba mag seminaryo?" He seems so serious about it.

Natawa naman ako. I didn't answer at umiling iling habang natawa.

"I'll support you naman pero sabihin mo na para hindi ako mabibigla." He said and walks towards my table.

Noong nakalapit na siya still waiting for my reaction. I gave him a folder. Mga dapat niyang pirmahan since wala siya kahapon.

"Sign it."

Napatingin siya sa folder at umalis na. He forgot na that he's forcing me to talk about my future.

I spent the day the usual. Annie isn't around together with the other students so tahimik ang resto.

Dad didn't bring up the seminary question again. And I'm glad.

"Sem break ba ni Eleanor? Pwede ba natin siya isama sa NYC?" Dad asked.

"No. Kakastart palang ng sem, Dad. I don't want her to miss her classes too. At baka nga hindi siya makasama sa birthday dinner ko kasi practicals daw niya the next day."

"Sus. Maybe may surprise siya. That kid never miss your birthday dinner since you were kids."
He even winked.

I just shrugged. Ayan nanaman siya. Teasing me to Eli. Minsan hindi nakakatulong kapag may pamilya kang mapangasar. Nakakagulo ng feelings. As if I have feeling to make gulo. Chzzz. Maybe it's true, I'm originally heartless, I'm just using other people's left over heart.

Diary entry #11
Honesty can go a long way.