Taste of Life

10

Eli fell asleep still crying. I was shocked to hear it but Ate Iza told me this scenario a lot of times. I just said sorry multiple times and she just cried. It's scary but I'm still her best friend. And she needs me here. So I won't go anywhere far.

I ordered food, lots of food, and decided to do online grocery using her laptop. Mom used this app as well kasi lagi lang daw sila naglalandian ni Dad sa grocery causing for them to forget what they need to buy and paguwi nila, atyaka sila magsisihan.

I bought her things na madali lang lutuin or madaling initin. She told me wala siyang time magluto, eh para saan pang may ari ng resto yung kaibigan niya? I don't get it. We have deliveries naman. Kahit ako, I can deliver the food myself.

When I finished the online grocery, it is scheduled to be delivered tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll just go here tomorrow to receive it kasi may pasok si Eleanor.

The doorbell rang, so it means the food's here. I paid for it and prepare the table before waking her up.

"Eli. Els. Food's here. You need to eat."

She woke up but stares at the ceiling for a few minutes.

"Bumangon ka na. We will talk about it. I promise. Just eat first okay?"

She turns to me and observe my face. She knows me so well. How I hate talking about love or feelings. Or maybe I just don't want things to be complicated.

She nodded at tumayo na rin.

"Ang dami." She said noong nakita ang inorder ko.

"I don't know anong gusto mo. Plus I assumed hindi ka nakain ng maayos. Pag may tira, we can put it sa ref tapos reheat mo nalang."

"Okay thanks. Happy birthday."

"Advance birthday greetings don't count, Eleanor." I smirked.

She just stayed silent and nodded.

"I also did your groceries. Bukas ng umaga dedeliver." Kumunot ang noo niya.

"I'll go here to receive it. Don't worry. Alam kong may class ka."

"Hindi wag na. Iwan ko nalang sa guard bayad. Okay lang yon."

"Nope. I'll fix it for you na rin. Baka itambak mo lang sa kitchen at hindi galawin."

She dropped her utensils sa plate.

"Why? Is the food bad? You wanna try mine?"

"Troye, please don't do things for me." She pleaded

"What do you mean? I always do things for you. We help each other."

"You're being too kind, too understanding, too caring. Hindi kaya ng puso ko wag umasa."

"Do you want me to uhm give you space?" I'm confused.

"I don't know. Maybe? Just don't act like you like me."

"Huh? I like you, Eli Bestfriends tayo since idk 5 years old?" I'm already lost.

"You see? You like me? What the hell? You like me as a friend? C'mon!"

I get it now. Am I being too paasa?

"I don't want to give you false hope. So just tell me what can I or can't do." I quietly said.

"Then give me true hope, Troye."

I turned to her. Asking her what does she mean by that.

"Tell me you'll never love me the way I love you and I promise I'll get my shit together and be a good bestfriend to you."

I suddenly can't say it. I am speechless. My world stopped. And I saw the disappointment in Eli's face. This is the first time I saw it. And it's for me.

The silence enveloped both of us. I heard her whisper "That's my answer right there." But I'm still out of words.

After eating, I told her na aalis ako after ko linisin yung kalat. She told me I don't have to pero sinabi ko na last na 'to lalo na at mukhang hinang hina pa rin siya. I cleaned our mess and put the left overs sa ref. I also put a note kelan mapapanis ang mga yon.

After cleaning, I checked her room. She's reading a book. May quiz nanaman ata siya.

"I'll head home now." I said.

She looked at me and gave me a fake smile. "Happy birthday, Troye. Thank you." I don't know but I heard finality and goodbye in her words. I stayed for a minite to stare at her.

To be honest, I don't know what will happen if I leave this place. Will I ever have my best friend again?

Palabas na ko ng pinto when I realized, I need to say it.

"One last thing, I think I love you more than you love me. No, I don't want to be in a relationship with you not because I don't love you. I love you, Eleanor. But I don't think I can risk the possibility of losing you just because love didn't work out for us."

She stares at me blankly. So I continued.

"This? Whatever we have, I'm used to doing this. I've been like this since we were kids. And asking me to stop is like asking me not to breathe. So please, don't ask me to give you space, don't ask me to stop, just figure out how to unlove me. It's okay if you love me a little less. Or don't love me at all. Just don't ask me to be indifferent. Because to be really honest, I am uncertain for a lot of stuff in my life, But one thing's for sure, kahit anong mangyari sa future, kahit magpalit palit ako ng puso, you own a spot."

I didn't know where that came from pero I froze after that speech. She did too.

I walked out of her unit.

I saw Manong guard and told him about the groceries. Gave him money and he said sure. I also gave him tip.

When I went inside the car, I sighed. A heavy one. I dialed Atchi's number and  when she picked up...

"Ate, I think I know what I want."