Arcane [H.S AU]

THIRTY THREE

TW/ talks about depression and self harm, if you need to talk to anyone my messages are open but I will link the mental health helpline below, no one should go through this alone <3
Samaritans: 116 123
SANEline: 0300 304 7000
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/

I've spent an entire month in a depressive state, I ended up moving in with Zayn, I'm grateful that I'm not needed at the bookshop anymore.

I've had thoughts about selling and so has Zayn, if we sold to a bigger company we'd get a big pay out and I wouldn't need to work, well not like I do much now.

I've been sleeping in Z's guest room for a while, he comes in every now and then telling me he's going to the shop to do some work.

"Luna, honey come on you can't spend anymore time in bed" I wrap myself up in the duvet, not wanting to talk to anyone.

I've lost weight, my skin is paler than usual. I feel so numb and drained all the time.

"Come on, you could at least shower this room is pretty ripe" can he just leave me alone.

He pulls the covers off of my body, making me whimper at the cold air, I cuddle up into myself moving into the corner of the bed.

"Luna" I stay silent, I have nothing to say. As much as I love Zayn I have nothing to say to him, I feel empty right now.

Some part of me needs Harry, wants him to hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay, but I can't, I can't bring myself to go and see him.

"Say something, anything, I'm worried about you" I'm worried about me too, I've not showered in the month I've been here.

Ever since Niall told me he loved Harry, my minds been spinning, the guilty feeling has been gnawing away at me.

It's the same when I look at food, I get a plate and look and then feel guilty because I feel as if Harry isn't eating and he's drinking himself to death.

"Hmmm" is all I can give him. I'm hoping he leaves soon, I just want to be alone.

"Okay, well I'm going to the shop Louis is staying here, please shower at least" he walks out, and I let out a breath, laying my body out flat on the bed.

Staring up at the ceiling, all I want is to feel something but it's so hard, I want to force myself to get up, to do something but my body won't allow it.

All I can do is lay in this bed, in the same clothes with ratted hair.

I hear a knock on the door, Louis walks in with a cup of tea and a pack of biscuits.

"Hey sweetie, you need to eat" he places the cup next to my bed and sits on the end of the bed crossing his legs.

All I do is follow his body as he moves.