Capturing Time [H.S.]

Chapter 20

9 months-

Will-

Fiji was incredible. The surf there was stellar. The scenery was breathtaking. The whole island was so relaxing.

I loved being there.

Visiting my dad while I was working was a bonus.

Taking pictures there was incredible.

Now, I'm on a plane headed to Ireland.

I can't believe this is my life.

Traveling to take pictures.

I'm excited about Ireland. I've always wanted to go. Foggy weather is my favorite. I figured that out when I was in Washington and Oregon with Sterling Cross.

It makes everything greener.

Overcast, tendrils of fog drifting over the ground. Like the air is moving, and you can see it. It becomes tangible.

Gray and green.

It has nothing to do with the fact that Washington, Oregon, Ireland, England...  That foggy, overcast weather and all the green...It doesn't remind me of Harry's eyes.

That's not the reason.

I've just never had many foggy days in my life.

Maybe I like the fog because it looks like sadness.

Either way... In about twenty minutes I'll be stepping off of a plane in another country that I've never been to.

Niall is ecstatic that I'm here. He's been blowing up my phone for the past week. Telling me all the places I have to see. Where I have to eat. He even made me promise to go see his family.

I'll be here for a few months.

I'll have time.

I've landed a freelance position to take pictures for a couple European add campaigns. As well as a band Sterling and Cross introduced me to. I'll be doing their album art. Their Irish. They want their homeland all over it.

My Instagram following has tripled since I was on tour with S and C. I plan on making the most of that too.

Going out, snapping candid shots.

Even doing a few impromptu shoots, with people I find while I travel and do touristy stuff.

I did that in Fiji and it went over like crazy.

I heard from Nina that Harry is back.

Which had nothing to do with me not going home. My career is taking off right now.

I've been given so many amazing opportunities. I can't say no right now.

I need to strike while the iron is hot. While all this buzz is surrounding my name.

I'm not avoiding my friends, my home, and my family because of him. I'm not.

I've been stashing money like mad.

I'm fortunate enough that the companies that have been freelancing me out, or the record lables...They pay for my travel expenses. They pay for food, and lodging.

I've been making really decent money.

Enough that I was able to send money back to Harry. Pay him back in full for the camera he bought me. I sent it snail mail. Once Nina told me he was back I mailed an envelope with a card full of cash. Maybe not the smartest way, but at least it was clean. I'm not ready for messy. Not with him.

I was able to update my equipment. Pay my rent out for the next year. Make some investments. 

I've still got a six month savings I haven't touched. My bank account has six zeros.

It's a good feeling security.

It's an even better feeling accomplishing it by yourself.

It doesn't make me less lonely. But I think I need to be lonely right now. It's good for my art.

As I step out into the foggy air I take a deep breath. I know I'm going to love it here. I'm set up in a little bungalow just outside of Dublin. The cab drives about twenty minutes out of the city. Everywhere I look is green.

A wave of sadness takes over me. I see his eyes, in the trees. In the fields. On the hills.

They haunt me, and in this moment I miss him so much tears streak my cheeks.

The cabby looks back at me through the mirror. "Ya alright lass?"

Taking my hands I swipe at my cheeks and nod my head. "Yes. It's beautiful here."

He gives me a wide smile. "That it is."

With that he leaves me to stare out of the window in silence.

---

Harry-

I'm sitting in my booth working on a mock up when Colson walks in. Things have been tense between us.

I don't blame him. I get it.

I broke his little sister's heart.

He doesn't really take into consideration that my heart is shattered as well. I'm struggling. I thought I would come back and apologize and we could work it out.

It was stupid of me to think that.

She's shut me out. I haven't texted because I don't think she'll answer. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle it if she doesn't.

"This came for you." He hands me an envelope.

My eyes recognize her handwriting right away.

There's no return address.

I rip open the paper and look inside. A plain blue card. My favorite color. When I open it and a stack of bills falls out I'm momentarily confused. Until my eyes scan the writing on the card.

For the camera, and the equipment. Thank you for the loan.
Will.

My heart drops to my knees. It hadn't been a loan. It had been a gift. In that brief note all the words she's not saying are so apparent because I know her so well.

She's done with me.

There is no I love you, I miss you. No I hope your well. Not even an always, or sincerely.

Just Will.

The finality of it is what does me in.

I feel like I've just been sucker punched.

The wind has been completely eradicated from my body. I feel wetness streak down my face.

I'm so caught up in my grief I don't realize Colson never left my booth. Not until he speaks.

"Fuck, man... You're not okay..."

It's a statement. Not a question.

I don't protest when he kicks the booth door closed, I don't push him away when he pulls me into my arms and holds me while I cry.

I don't know how long I stay there, letting my ex girlfriend's brother comfort me. It feels like time will never be the same again.

Ever since I walked away. It's like it's stopped moving, because my heart is no longer beating.

I'm just an empty fucking shell, and I'm tired of pretending that I'm not.

I'm fucking broken.