Hanging Tree

Chapter 20

Violet

Those words kept on ringing in my head. “Would you like to be my girlfriend?” What am I supposed to answer Calum? I know deep inside I want to say yes. Calum would be my first ever boyfriend. He would actually care for me. But I knew I shouldn’t. Calum would eventually get bored of me and leave me. I bet he would. Plus, I would just waste his time. Why would Calum even want me as his girlfriend? Of all people, why me?He could have any girl in his life but why me?

My fingers lightly touched my scars which could be felt through the light material of my shirt. Memories of last night flashed into my head. All the thinking I did. All the cuts. Everything. If I did agree to this then there would be no point in even trying to get Calum and the boys to forget about me. I can’t say yes to him.

Calum’s brown eyes stared at me. Those eyes searching my face for an answer. For any emotion. “Violet?” Calum called out. He seemed upset since I wasn’t answering him. “Please say something,” I heard his voice crack.

No Violet. Don’t give in. I sighed and looked at Calum. The poor boy stood in front of me, shoulders slouching and eyes filled with sorrow.

“Calum. I can’t. I’m sorry."

Calum honestly looked broken. He looked down at me, his eyes silently pleading for me to change my answer. I felt just as broken as him. To look at him like this made me feel like a monster. I couldn’t handle looking at him like this. He looked so fragile.

“Calum, please don’t look at me like that.”

“Why can’t you?” I heard Calum say. His voice was so soft it was barely a whisper. I didn’t answer him. I didn’t know what to say. This caused him to speak a little louder. “Violet, why can’t you? Do you already have a boyfriend?”

Did Calum actually think I had a boyfriend? He actually thought I was capable to have a boyfriend?

“No, Calum. I don’t. I just..I can’t.”

Calum moved closer to me and lifted my face to look at him in the eyes. “Tell me. Please.

I sighed and said, “Because Calum I don’t deserve you. You deserve someone who is a thousand times better than me. I have too much in life. I have about a million problems in life. Trust me Calum, you probably don’t want to date someone with that  many problems. I probably wouldn’t be able to give you what you want. I don’t even get why you bother talking to me? Everyone hates me and yet you. You came and helped me and you talked to me. But why? I’m not someone great. I don’t even need to be here. Calum you would get bored of me one day and leave. I don’t want to look forward to that day.  Calum there’s a whole load more of reasons why I can’t but I don’t need to talk about it all.”

Calum looked at me. His eyes burning a hole into mine.He didn’t say anything but he just looked at me. He’s probably processing what I just said and must’ve realised that everything I said was true. I wouldn’t be surprised if Calum would just leave now. He didn’t say anything but just stared at me. This time it was my turn to call him out. “Calum?” I squeaked.

“You know what, Violet? You’re right. You do have a million problems in life. And I might get bored of you one day and leave. No one would want to date someone who’s life is so messed up. Most people out there do hate you. I might get bored of you and I would be waiting for the day to leave someone fucked up as you, Violet.”

Was this the Calum I knew speaking? Calum is honestly hurting my feelings right now. Deep down I didn’t expect him to agree with what I said. Maybe Calum isn’t as nice as I expected. Maybe Eliot was right. Maybe all they wanted to do was hurt me.

“But,” Calum spoke, breaking me away from my thoughts.

“ I want to be with you. I’m not forcing myself, Violet. Even if you’re messed up or have a million of problems in your life, I don’t mind Violet. I want to be with you. People out there hate you, I don’t know why though. I don’t hate you, Violet. I adore you. People put you through so much yet here you are. Strong as ever. I might get bored of you Violet, but I don’t think I would. Violet yo are literally filled with surprises and I want to spend everyday exploring all your surprises. Please, Violet. I promise to never hurt you.”

My heart has literally shattered to a million pieces right now. How am I supposed to reject him when he says amazing words like this to me? He poured his heart out to me, I can’t just let him down like that. But if I didn’t I knew I would only make things a lot more worse for the both of us. What am I supposed to do? Why does life have to be so god damn hard? Dammit.

I sighed and smiled at Calum weakly. I placed my hand on his cheek and brought his face closer to mine. I knew I was going to do something that I’m going to regret. I brought my lip just above his and let it hover there for awhile just before it crashes down onto his. I savoured the taste of his lips. Every little inch of it. I finally pulled away and looked him in the eye. Tears were starting to form at the bottom of my eyes. Threatening to spill.

Calum’s eyes reflected mine. Pools of tears were at the bottom of his eyes. “What was that for?” he whispered.

“I can’t do it, Calum. I really like you. But I can’t.”

Calum sighed but nodded. He pecked my lips once more and then looked at me in the eye. “I really like you, Violet. I really do.”

With that he opened the and left the building. I collapsed on the floor and let those hot tears stain my cheeks. I let the only good person in my life walk away. I hope what I did was right.

NOTE// AWWHH THERE'S NO MORE VIOLET AND CALUM. Oh well. This was a really sad chapter to write but nyehh. Don't forget to vote and commenttt.