i defend you to my therapist,
and the saddest part is that i know everything she's saying is right,
i'm paying her to tell me the truth yet i lie to her and defend someone who hurts me then turns it on me.
that's stupid.
i'm not going to say i'm stupid because all i've known are people leaving and the moment someone has stayed a minute longer than usual, then i fight for them to stay.
i said i'd stop fighting, but that's also a lie.
she wanted me to list the reasons you are a great friend and all i could say was "he's always there for me when i need him"
she asked if i had tested that, i lied and said yes out of hope that you would be there,
you weren't.
the one thing i could manage to say about why i fight for you to stay,
and i was wrong.
"stop picking shitty guys"
"if someone isn't good for you then leave them"
the worst part is,
if you knew those counted towards you too,
you'd tell me to leave and that you aren't going to fight for people anymore.
you'd tell me you care about me and you try to change and not be so mean to me, which you say is your way of showing love, but it isn't enough for me.
you're leaving soon, for a long time,
and i hope there you'll find people that are more like you,
and i hope i find people that are more like me.
you've said how different we are, and never let me forget it,
i could get past it, but you never could.
