This isn't a self help story,
Or me finally falling in love with myself,
This couldn't be further from that,
This is a reminder that there are things that happen in life that you can't control,
There are also things you can change,
I've repeated so many of the same mistakes simply because I enjoyed the familiarity.
I had a longing for the feelings that I knew I could experience, I had before, I just lost touch with them,
Or lost touch with the person that caused them rather.
So I trapped myself in an endless cycle of "next time I'll be better, this is the last time".
Yet the second I saw someone that looked hurt, or lost, or felt familiar- I melted.
Strength is something I always prided myself on,
It was put to the test so many times and some said it was because I could handle it that I was treated that way,
Because I could take it that I was spoken poorly to and belittled by those I admired.
Because I wouldn't break and cry like others would, I would just hold it in.
But,
What if I couldn't?
I will no longer sit and watch as cycles repeat,
I refuse to accept abuse in the name of "critiques" or "tough love" or "it makes you stronger"
I do not need to be any stronger than I already have proven that I am,
And the fact I proved it alone should be enough for this life time.
So I will stay away from familiarity and reaching out to hold those feelings I felt when they once held me,
I won't let it happen again.
Next time.
