"You loved him"
Is that what that was?
It's still hard to believe that is the response-
to recalling the excitement, joy and pain rolled into the hurricane that was him.
Maybe that's why i go searching for those emotions again and let them wash over me like a blissful memory.
Even if they aren't coming from him,
i still close my eyes and pretend the air of the feelings hit my face like his breath when he was an inch away from me.
I wonder when that will stop-
I mean at some point i'm supposed to realize that love doesn't feel like that,
Or shouldn't feel like that.
what should i do when that's the closest to love i've ever been?
I could go searching for it-
But there's no map that will lead me there and i would be just as clueless if the arrows followed me around.
"Maybe."
Emotion suffocated me to the point i could barely breathe,
Or were those my tears that i was choking on?
If this is love then why is it wished on so many?
I would rather live my life wondering-
Than live it knowing someone could take over me like that.
Like this.
Because he still can.
I've seen the love that others have-
Seen it work for them and unfold firsthand like a story thats being written in front of my eyes,
From the first meeting-
The advice on what to do-
Late night whispers while they're still a secret-
And a part of every step after.
As terrified as i am of what ive experienced before,
I wish i could have something like that.
I'm not sure if who i am now can have that,
But past me deserved it more than anything.
She was ready no matter how much she faked the longing to spread her wings and free herself from any cage-
Yet here i am now begging for the weight of someones soul to help me keep my feet where they belong,
And my eyes shining right ahead.
"You loved him"
"I always will."
