"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake.
"Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said.
"For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you."
"I like you too" you said.
Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
The elevator door opened, and the new captain walked out and into the bullpen.
"Hello. I'm your new commanding officer, Captain Seth Dozerman. My motto is simple: Efficiency, efficiency, efficiency" said Dozerman.
"Could probably just say it once" said Jake.
"Are you making fun of my stutter?" asked Dozerman.
"Oh, uh -" said Jake.
"Tricked you. I don't have a stutter. Boom, I've already established my authority through my amazing sense of humor" Dozerman said.
"Well done, sir" said Terry. "Welcome to the Nine Nine. I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords."
"And I'm not interested. I have no use for people. I find people weird and confusing. I live my life by numbers. You see this watch? It tells me how many calories I burn at any time. Question: How many calories do you think I burned walking from there to there? You, female closest to me" Dozerman asked, pointing at Amy.
"Oh, uh, three?" guessed Amy.
"Three? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Try 0.8, numbnuts. I have made promises to my superiors that I most certainly cannot keep. That's why I need you idiots to work twice as hard. No, no, strike that. Four times as hard. No, no, no, strike that. I need you morons to work eight times harder than you've ever worked in your entire life!" shouted Dozerman. "I'm having a heart attack. Yeah, I'm having a heart attack. Get back to work."
Dozerman fell face first to the floor.
"Get a doctor!" shouted Terry.
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"Yeah, I'm just gonna make some copies in here" said Jake, walking into the copy room where y/n was using the printer. He closed the door. "Perfect cover. Nailed it. So apparently, the new captain survived, and his heart attack - Not the craziest thing that happened at the precinct today."
You were confused.
"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake.
"Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said.
"For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you."
"I like you too" you said.
"Good" said Jake.
"But what if we start dating and it makes things weird at work?" you asked nervously.
"So let's just keep it light and breezy, so where it goes" Jake said.
"Totally. Yeah. How do we keep it light and breezy? I know. A set of rules, or something like that" you said.
"Okay. Go" said Jake.
"One - Let's not tell anyone straight away and then we can figure this out first."
"Smort. Two - Let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend; We're just 'mrmmzeep' and 'jinglebin'" said Jake.
"Great idea. Three - Let's not have sex right away" you said.
"Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool... No doubt, no doubt, no doubt. Good rule. No sex, good rule" Jake said.
"No!" you said, throwing the paper you were holding into the air.
Jake smiled at you as Terry said "Briefing room. Fine minutes."
"Sorry, Sarge" you called as Terry walked away.
"Wow, very chill" said Jake.
-----------------------
"Holy Moses, he's alive" said Jake as Terry and Dozerman walked into the briefing room.
"So, I want to explain what happened back there. I did not have a heart attack. The doctors have informed me that I have a genetic heart condition. My aortic valve is sixteen percent too narrow, which lowers my life expectancy from 103 to 64" said Dozerman.
"So sorry, sir. That's terrible" said Terry.
"Yes, it's depressing. They also informed me that I carry the gene for webbed feet, which is interesting, more than anything else" said Dozerman. "But, uh, when you stare death in the face, as I have, it really puts things into perspective, namely that I've been wasting too much of my time farting around! So that stops now. Say goodbye to the fun, hilarious, laid back Seth Dozerman that you used to love! Boys, hand 'em out!"
Uniformed officers began to hand out tablets with Dozerman's face on them.
Rosa held hers up. "What the hell are these?"
"'What the hell are these?' These are Dozer-pads. Each one is equipped with a GPS system and a countdown clock to remind you to complete a task every fifty five minutes. It also has backgammon on it, which I could not delete but you are not allowed to play" Dozerman said.
"What happens when the clock runs out?" you asked.
Dozerman pressed the screen and a siren began to wail. "Failure. Failure. You are behind schedule."
"Oh, that's fun" you said.
"Yeah. Your fifty five minutes starts right... now" said Dozerman, and he sprinted out of the briefing room into his office.
