"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake.
"Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said.
"For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you."
"I like you too" you said.
Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
Holt walked into the bullpen. "Morning, everyone."
"Morning, sir" said Jake. "Hey, look. We're food stain buds. Who are you wearing? Porridge?"
Holt looked down at his tie. "Um, oatmeal."
Holt walked into his office and closed the door.
"Oh, my God! He didn't even wipe it off" said Amy, shocked.
"He's totally given up on life" said Gina.
"It's loneliness. Ever since Kevin left for his sabbatical in Paris, he hasn't been the same" said Terry.
"I tried to get him out of the house. I invited him to bar trivia, but he turned me down, not that Trivia Newton John needed the help. We're nationally ranked. It's no big deal" said Amy.
"You're right, it's not" Rosa said.
"Well, aren't you all just a bunch of big-hearted dum-dums. You want to make him less lonely? This is how you do it" Jake said, grabbing a file from his desk.
"A case file?" Rosa asked.
"Yeah, the dude loves work" Jake said.
"I thought all your cases were closed. You were talking about it so much last night, I couldn't hear the end or the neighbors' fight" said y/n.
"It ended in sex. It always does. It didn't make me horny" said Jake. He looked at the rest of the squad. "It's a cold case from my first year as a detective."
"Is it active again?" asked Rosa.
"No, but Holt doesn't have to know that" said Jake.
"So, you're gonna lie to him?" asked Amy.
"No, I'm going to make him forget about his sadness through the power of... Distraction" said Jake.
He grabbed a stationary set and threw it up in the air. He ran back to his desk, and hid behind his seat.
"He's gone" said Jake.
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Jake walked into Holt's office. "Ah, hold, mi capitan. Why am I speaking Italian, you might ask?"
"That was Spanish" said Holt.
"Yeah, there are too many languages. An old case of mine is starting to heat up, and I'd like your old help to help me solve it, señor?" asked Jake.
"Still Spanish" Holt said.
"Right" said Jake. "Joey Garibaldi was a mafia lieutenant. About eight years ago, I was closing in on him when he disappeared. But now I'm hearing chatter on the street that he's back in town. Will you help me?"
Holt nodded. "Hmm, sounds interesting. Count me in."
"Yes! Thank you very much, sir. Uh, good-a bye-a" said Jake.
-----------------------
Jake and Holt followed the man who had worked with Joey Garibaldi at the gym to a building. The man walked into the building and Holt and Jake looked through the window.
"Medical examiner. Jackpot. The gym is full of bodies" said Jake.
"No, Department of Health" said Holt.
"Oh" said Jake.
"There's been an outbreak of mumps" said Holt.
Jake laughed. "Mumps, that's a funny word."
"It's actually a very serious and highly contagious infectious disease" Holt said.
"Yeah, but we're fine. We were only in contact with that guy for a couple of seconds. Plus, he didn't even lick any of our eyeballs" Jake said.
----------------
"I'm afraid you both have the mumps" said the doctor.
Jake chuckled. "Mumps, still a funny word."
Jake looked at Holt.
"Are we gonna die?" asked Jake.
-------------------
"So, you both have the mumps. Sorry to say, it's very contagious" said the doctor. He looked at y/n. "You may not want to be here, Detective."
"Oh, it's fine. My mom always reminds me to get vaccinated for every illness imaginable" said y/n.
"Over the next several hours, you will most likely develop fever, aching, fatigue" the doctor said.
"Doesn't sound too bad" Jake said.
"Also, tart foods will cause intense jaw pain, so you may want to avoid sour candies" the doctor said.
"What?" asked Jake.
"You may get painful goiter-like swelling in your neck and often extreme testicular discomfort" the doctor said.
"Okay, okay" said Holt.
"Cool, cool" said Jake.
"Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt" they said together.
"Due to the highly contagious nature of the virus, you will both be quarantined to your houses for the next nine days" said the doctor.
"Oh, nine days in isolation" said Holt.
"Or we could be quarantined together, you know, work the case" Jake said.
"Yes, that actually sounds kind of fun" Holt said.
"Kind of? It's gonna be the best week ever" said Jake.
"I'm sorry, did you not hear me say extreme testicular discomfort?" asked the doctor.
"Yes, we heard you, Dr. Bad News Doctor" said Jake.
