Jake paced around his childhood bedroom, y/n watching him.
"I know this isn't the best time, but we are in your childhood bedroom and I do have one question: Did you have a nose ring in high school?" asked y/n, holding up a picture of Jake.
"Yes" answered Jake. "Until it got infected and I almost went blind. Don't tell anyone."
"Cool. It's our secret. Just gonna check my email up high" said y/n, quickly taking a picture of the picture. "No new messages."
"Y/n, can we focus? What is going on here? Why is my dad dating my mom? What does he want? Money, but she's a public school art teacher. That doesn't make any sense." He snapped his fingers. "Maybe that son of a bitch wants his picture drawn."
"Jake, your mom is a grown woman. I'm sure she knows what she's doing" said y/n.
"You don't know her like I do. She's too trusting for her own good. She's fallen for more Nigerian scams than Scully" Jake said.
"She's fallen for twenty Nigerian scams?" asked y/n, horrified.
"Twenty? That's insane. No, she's fallen for two. Scully's fallen for twenty?" asked Jake.
"More than that, actually" said y/n.
Jake sighed. "Look, all right, you know what? This is fine. It's just the same that it's always been. I have to protect her. I'm going to go down there, and I'm going to confess my concerns to her in a calm rational manner."
Downstairs
"What are you doing, Mom?" yelled Jake. "He's evil!"
---------------------
Y/n, Jake and Roger were sat awkwardly around the table when Karen walked in.
"Okay, I got your favourite cake: Blue" said Karen, smiling.
"I'm not hungry" said Jake.
Karen looked disappointed.
"It's a figure of speech. Obviously, I'll have some" said Jake.
"You know, I don't think our guest y/n really wants to talk about this, Jake" said Karen, sitting down. "Can we just move on?"
"Yes. Maybe we could talk about someone we all admire - " said y/n.
"So how serious is it, hmm? Have you guys kissed? Has he stayed the night? Has he brought you a chocolate orange from the airport?" Jake asked. "'Cause that's his big move."
"Jake, your mother and I have been seeing each other for three months" Roger said.
"Oh, you know what? I oughta throw up in your face" Jake said.
"I know that you're angry, but when I was here last year, you really showed me what a selfish jerk I was. You're the reason all of this is happening" said Roger.
"Yeah, but I didn't want this. I just wanted you to text me a dumb dad joke every six months" said Jake as Karen lit the candles on the cake.
"I can do that. Just give me your number" said Roger.
"You didn't save my number?" asked Jake.
"Now, Jake, look. I know every mistake your father has made, and he says they're all in the past" said Karen. "Now, just blow out your candles."
"Okay, great. Great idea, Mom. I'll blow out my birthday candles." Jake said.
Jake stood up and blew out the candles. He turned to Roger and whispered "I wished that you would leave. Damn it, I shouldn't have said it out loud. Now it won't come true."
----------------------
Y/n opened the door to Jake's room. "Hey. You didn't come back down."
Jake was lying face down on his bed and turned to look at y/n.
"I had to talk to your parents for, like, an hour, and I ran out of stuff to talk about" said y/n.
"I know it sucks that I did that, but think about how I feel. My stupid parents are borking each other. And my mom thinks she knows all the worst things that my dad did, but she has no idea. She doesn't even know that he cheated on her with her best friend, Sheila Bodden" said Jake.
"Oh, my God" said y/n.
"Yeah, I saw them. They were in our car in the garage having sex. It's the whole reason I can't have sex in cars in garages" Jake said.
"That's a very specific sexual hang-up. I mean, has it really held you back?" y/n said.
"Well, are we having sex in a car in a garage right now?" asked Jake. "No. So, yeah, big time it's held me back. I never told her about it 'cause I didn't want to crush her heart, but... Now I have to use it. I'm gonna tell my dad if he doesn't do the decent thing and leave my mom again... I'm dropping the Sheila bomb."
"Whoa" said y/n. "I know this is a really big deal, but I have to ask. Did you really wear this hat in high school?"
Y/n grabbed a hat off the shelf.
"Y/n!"
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfic"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake. "Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said. "For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you." "I like you too" you said. Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
