"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake.
"Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said.
"For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you."
"I like you too" you said.
Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most anticipated event in this precinct's history" said Gina from the front of the briefing room. "The auction for..."
"The Suitcase of Mystery!" said Jake as Gina grabbed a suitcase from beside the podium.
"Exactly, Jacob. This puppy's been in the lost and found since 1976. No one alive today knows its contents. I'm happy to say that Captain Holt has given me permission to finally auction it off" said Gina.
"I'll let you give me a spray tan. Any shade you want" said Jake.
"Jake, willing to sacrifice his dignity. Who can top it?" asked Gina.
"Massage! I'll give you a massage" said Charles.
"Charles, going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified. Interesting approach. 'Orange Jake, going once, going twice..." said Gina.
"I'll show you a picture of me in high school. There is a side pony" Rosa said.
"Ooh, Rosa coming in hot!" Gina said.
"I'll also give you full control of my hair and wardrobe" Jake offered.
"I'll go on a date with you" said Scully.
"Sold!" said Gina. "To Jake, not to Scully. That really freaked me out and I just want this to end now."
"Whoo!" said Jake.
The next day
Jake and Holt were standing next to each other in the elevator. Jake had orange skin and had his hair pointing upwards. He was also dressed in a white coat with pale yellow gloves.
Jake and Holt looked at each other.
"So, there was this suitcase - " said Jake.
"I don't care" said Holt.
"Yeah" said Jake.
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"All right, everyone, enough morning chitchat" said Holt to everyone in the briefing room. "Television happened, commutes were difficult, Boyle had a dream."
"I laid a goose egg on this - " said Charles excitedly.
"That's enough. A pipe burst in the nine-eight, rendering the building uninhabitable. They'll be sharing our space until the problem is fixed" announced Holt.
"Oh, what? A whole other precinct in here? We're already packed in like sardines. Look at this" said Gina, hitting Amy on the arm.
"Man, I sure will love to be here to greet all these annoying losers, but sadly, Boyle and I are going to be on a stakeout all week" Jake said.
"Yeah, just two best buds stinking up a Saturn with our druthers of tunes and personal pan pizzas" Charles said.
"That sucks" Jake and Charles said together, doing their handshake.
"No one enjoyed that" said Holt. "Look, I know that this is an inconvenience, however, I expect you all to be accommodating to our guests."
"Don't worry, sir, we will be cordial A.F" said Terry. "As Frasier. Love that show."
"They're here" said y/n, and the squad got up and looked out the briefing room window to watch the 98 walk into the bullpen.
"I hate those 98 losers" said Jake.
"Ugh, these guys are the worst" said Charles.
"Hey, Stevie Schillens?" asked Jake.
Jake ran out of the briefing room, followed by the rest of the squad.
"Jakey P in the place to be" said Stevie Schillens.
"What are you doing here?" asked Jake, hugging Stevie. "I thought you were in the 124."
"I was, man, but then I arrested all the bad guys in Staten, so I transferred to the 98" said Stevie.
"So dope" said Jake. He turned to the rest of the squad. "Everyone, put on your parkas, 'cause this week just got a whole lot more chill."
Stevie and Jake both began to sing: "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!"
"Allow me to introduce Stevie 'Chillin' Schillens. He was my very first partner and one of the all-time greats" Jake said.
"Stevie and I were beat cops together. We called ourselves the Beatsie Boys. And yeah, it was as cool as it sounds" said Jake.
"So, y'all would just stand around like that?" asked Rosa.
"Yeah!" said Stevie as Jake said "All the time."
"Totally get it. My first partner was also pretty cool. Everyone called us 'Chucky and the Coot'" Charles said. "So, I guess we all had great partners that we've completely moved on from.
"Because yours died of old age?" Jake asked.
"He did. Anyway, we should motor. Jake and I are staking out a bar called the Thirsty Ox - Lots of crime, lots of danger, lots of downtime for inside jokes" said Charles. Charles started using a weird voice: "Would you like some milk?"
Jake laughed. "What?"
"Would you like some milk?" asked Charles, still using the weird voice. "The guy - 'Cause you look like - "
"I don't know what you're talking about" said Jake.
"Would like the milk?" asked Charles. "Please."
"What is it from?" asked Jake.
"He remembers. Very funny" said Charles.
"You know what's crazy? I've been tracking a dealer who just took a job at the Thirsty Ox" Stevie said.
"No crap" Jake said. "We should work the case together."
"The Beatsie Boys reunion tour?" Stevie said.
"Tagline: 'Boys will always be boys'" Jake said. "No, wait. 'Some boys never change." No, wait. 'Boys to man back to boys.' No wait. 'Boy-ess!' No wait."
