Dear Janet, You're Ugly

Guilt+Unexpected Surprises

Janet's POV

I don't think I've ever regretted my actions so heavily in my life before. There were some things I would shrug off my shoulders because I didn't care. But there was something about Erin ignoring me the entire day not even looking me in the eye. It made my heartthrob and ache a bit because I caused all of it.

During gym class I found myself staring as he participated in a game of soccer. He skillfully moved his feet, successfully scoring a goal. I smiled a bit as he received pats on the back from his teammates. I realized then that he needed space, he needed time to be with his friends and so I dreadfully stood back.

For lunch, I sat alone but not for long as Amy plopped down beside me. She huffed loudly her face red and puffy from the beaming sun. "Couldn't we have eaten inside? There is no air out here" she complained pulling her dark hair on top of her head.

I simply shrugged "You do know you came here willingly right"? I smiled bitterly and was met with a glare. We sat under the tree and talked, well more like I listened while Amy did most of the talking. At least this time it had nothing to do with Cody.

I was lost in my thoughts as I poked my salad with a fork. Amy sighed deeply placing a hand on my shoulder. " Ya know he misses you a lot. He just doesn't want to admit it". She patted my shoulder with a sheepish smile.

"I can't help but blame myself for this. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't ever want to speak to me again". I sighed deeply and continued stabbing away at the green pieces of lettuce on my plate.

" Janet I'm only going to say this because I'm your friend and as your friend, it's my job, to be honest," Amy said turning to face me.

"When are you going to stop beating yourself up and let people in for once? I mean... I get it... you're not used to people caring about you but the truth is we do! If you'd just let us in you'd see there is nothing to be afraid of". She patted my hand once more and left me with my raging thoughts.

Never had I ever depended on anyone. I wasn't the kind of person to lean on anyone for help. I was used to being alone to my own devices while my thoughts rambled onto my future. I always thought of my future and what it would be like. So much opportunity yet risks that I was willing to take all because I couldn't bear the thought of staying here any longer.

It hadn't even come to mind that eventually, I would need to tell Erin what my plans were. After graduation, I planned to leave and never look back. Starting over is never easy yet somehow I was willing to take that leap of faith.

************************************

After school finished I ran straight to the bakery. Tonight was date night and so Ms. Freckles had left me and Stanley in charge of the bakery. For the most part, it was a pretty chill shift until I had gone on my ten-minute break. I place my happen on the hook and just as I was about to exit the shop I was surprised to see a red-faced Stanley talking to Millie Anderson.

I slowly backed away from the door and large windows. I slid into a booth where you couldn't see me at all if you didn't look hard enough. I watched as her chocolate skin seemed to glisten in the afternoon sun. Her hair was back in its usual larger-than-life afro and she wore her infamous cheerleader uniform.

I placed my face against the cold glass and leaned in. I couldn't make out a single word they were saying and eventually gave up. With prying eyes, I watched as Stanley's face seemed to get even redder than before. Poor guy, he looked like a deer in headlights only this time Millie Anderson seemed to be the one driving the car.

After what seemed like hours she finally pranced away with that infamous evil grin. Stanley rushed back inside his face beet red. I immediately grabbed him without a thought into the kitchen.

" We need to talk"