Dear Janet, You're Ugly

Leaving Them Behind

Janet's POV

Erin led me outside to one of the benches. Very few people were outside and I felt I could finally breathe better. He sat across from me, his long legs tangled around mine. It was silent as we munched away on our lunch. Now and then I would catch him taking a peek at me as if I didn't notice.

When he had done it for the third time my annoyance grew. "Why do you keep looking at me like that"? I shot him an accusing look to which he just laughed it off. He simply shrugged biting into a carrot.

" Your beautiful" he grunted before looking away. I wasn't used to such comments, and I felt my face grow hot. No one had ever called me beautiful, all my life I was known as the beast. That was exactly what I was, and I had grown used to the fact.

I gently knocked my foot into his. "Don't be ridiculous" I whispered before taking a sip of water. He simply grinned before shrugging as if it wasn't up for discussion.

I thought back to the mean glare Barnie had given me as we left the cafeteria. It was a bit unnerving, Millie and she were close and at any moment she could let her know what had been transpiring in her absence.

I folded my hands together before staring at Erin with a serious look. "Barnie Greco is onto us. She knows what happened in the woods". I nipped away at my lips a bit nervously. He stopped in his tracks taking a huge drink from my water bottle.

A light breeze passed by and I pulled my sweater closer to my body. He took his sweet time in reacting to what I said. He swiped his pink tongue across his glistening pink lips. A speck of ketchup rested on the side of his lips and I didn't hesitate in wiping it away.

" Such a child" I mumbled wiping his face.  He let me do so before grabbing my wrist lightly.  He wound our fingers together, his alien fingers against my ghost fingers. Strangely they fit together.

He grunted before finally saying "Who is Barnie"? He then cocked his head to the side like a dog. I tried hard to suppress my laughter, but a giggle escaped. He smiled at me gently. " I'm serious, who is she? Does she go to our school"?

He feigned cluelessness as if she wasn't one of the most popular students in school. Everyone knew who she was, and if they didn't then they at least knew her sister. When I had finally calmed down a smile was left on my face.

He gently held my hand in his. "Don't worry, I'll handle this" he cooed gently. Although I wanted to believe him, a part of me was still afraid. I was most afraid of the unknown, it had no inkling of what was to come.

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Later on that day I went straight to the bakery after school. Ms. Freckle was already hard at work as she kneaded out some dough. "Hey Janet, come help me roll some of this. My hands aren't what they used to be" she chuckled.

I smiled gently before grabbing my apron off the hook. I rolled out the rest of the dough as she watched on silently. It felt weird, seeing as how I acted two days ago I avoided her like the plague. It was the thought that after all this time I had disappointed her.

I felt my eyes well up a bit as the dough beneath my hands became slightly blurry. "You know I could never be upset with you Jane. You do know that right"? Ms. Freckle asked interrupting my rancid thoughts. I peered up at her soft brown eyes, they held no anger, not a disappointment.

That in itself relaxed me. She gently leaned forward and wrapped her frail arms around me. " You weren't ready. I understand completely. I won't tell you what you need to do, I can only give you some advice. Knowing that there is some lead to your biological family...that isn't a bad thing Janet".

And then I felt it. The sudden overflow of my salty tears blurring my vision. I sobbed so hard while Ms. Freckle held ne gently. I cried harder than I ever had before, I wasn't exactly sure why. But something deep inside me made me feel as if I hadn't deserved Ms. Freckles' love at all.

There was this fear deep inside my cracked heart that I was being selfish. That I should want to find my biological family. But why wasn't it something that I yearned for? Why was I so content on keeping them so far away?

I couldn't answer those questions even if I tried. I had no clue what I was afraid of, just an end goal. After high school, I was to leave all this behind and never look back. Even if that meant leaving behind some people.

But even then for some strange reason, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Erin behind.