Janet has spent her whole entire childhood trying to hide behind the scenes. Growing up in the system, life hasn't always been so kind to her. Dealing with bullies and moving from foster home to foster home. Janet wants nothing more than to leave Ca...
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Have you ever experienced that moment in time where you feel like your heart my stop? Like you can't breathe and all of a sudden your vision becomes blurred. That was me in this very moment right now. Me and Erin laying across the grass side by side. We spent hours like that, gazing up at the sky.
Now and then we'd point out animals we could see. So far we had seen turtles, bunnies, bears. It was all so beautiful that I never wanted this moment to end. I didn't want to return to reality, it was too painful.
My heart yearned to be free and wild. I wanted to run around the world where no one could see. Where no one could stop me. But I was soon cut out of my dream-like state.
All because of Erin
He turned his body to me his dark almond eyes curious with a question. "Jane... why do you cover your face like that"? He asked and it was such a simple question. He had only been curious, but it caused my heart to race faster than the speed of lightning.
I tugged my hair to the left side of my face creating a curtain. "Why are you asking"? I hadn't meant for it to come out so coldly, my anxiety got the best of me.
"You only ever show the right side of your face. Why do you hide the other side"? He sounded so curious, and I couldn't blame him. He had been open with me, it was only right I returned the favor.
So I took a deep breath and I pulled my hair away from my face. He didn't gasp or seem frightened, instead, he smiled big at me catching me off guard.
"Your mark is so cool! How did you get it"? He asked with so much excitement and I wanted to cry right then and there.
"I was born with it". He reached his hand to grab my face, stroking it lightly. I swatted his hand away giggling when he started to tickle me.
"It's beautiful! Don't ever hide it from me okay? Promise me you won't hide it from me" he chuckled deeply and I nodded with tears leaking from my eyes. From that day forward whenever we would hang out, I'd tie my hair back without shame.
I felt free like I no longer had to hide and feel ashamed. And then it was like my dream came crashing down. Like my reality had pummeled its way through reminding me of what life was. Now in grade nine, I remember the day like it was yesterday.
"I'm moving to live with my dad. He wants me to finish school back in Texas. But don't worry I'll be back as soon as I can to visit you"!
I remembered his last words, committed them to memory. After a month he had left me behind, and then I was alone again. Only this time I was reluctant to invite it. I had forgotten what it was like to be alone again.
A few years passed and I had moved from foster home to foster home. It all happened so fast but I was grateful to have left the Grecos. I no longer had to face the wild triplets ho made my life a living hell.
I now stayed with a woman named Ms. Freckle. She was a woman who had never gotten married. She only ever had a boyfriend who would stop by often and have dinner with us.
I lived a relatively quiet life. I had no friends and I spent most of my time alone at the library. Since I lived in a small town it was inevitable to hide from the triplets and Millie.
They had it out for me since we were kids and once Erin had left the bullying started up again. My only peaceful place was either the library or the tiny cafe that Ms. Freckle owned. I was able to work and save up for the day when I would forever leave this rotten place.
I yearned for freedom. But for my dream to become a reality, I needed to save and work hard. Now in my junior of highschool, I knew exactly what my next step was going to be. College wasn't something I was interested in, I wanted to travel and see the world.
That night as I layin n bed I felt my heartbeat rapidly. Tomorrow was the first day back to school. If I just hid in the background I could hopefully make it out without bullying for the year.
But being hopeful only got you so far. Twisting and turning in bed I decided what was even the point. So I climbed out of bed and sat in the tiny nook of a window. Peering outside the moonlight cast a dewy glow in my room.
I opened the window feeling the slight breeze of autumn air. It pushed my hair back im waves, exposing my face. In these moments I felt... beautiful, no one could tell me a thing. I wasn't the beast that every portrayed me to be, instead, I was just Janet.
That feeling only lasted that night. Once I stepped foot at school tomorrow I knew the pressure would be on. But just like every other year I would hide behind the scenes. Although it didn't always necessarily work, half of the time it did.
I was facing it alone and during these times my mind always thought of him. How has he been doing these past years? What does he look like? How much has he grown up?
Erin Akio
I was angry at the fact he had left me. He left me to face my demons alone, he left so many unbroken promises. I didn't believe a word he said, and if he ever came back I wouldn't give him my time.
