Dear Janet, You're Ugly

A Misunderstanding

Erin's POV

I lifted the fifty-pound bar over my head feeling my muscles shake and pinch together. Holding it for more than thirty seconds I dropped it down my arms now feeling heavy. I grabbed my water bottle downing it in seconds. Whenever I was feeling frustrated working out was my remedy.

"Why are you working out so hard? Your gonna pull a muscle" Amy teased while walking the treadmill. I combed a hand through my hair ruffling it around a bit. I stood by the treadmill looking out the large window.

"I think we should go back.... to Texas," I say still glancing out the window. Images of walking away from Janet plagued my mind. She had grown up and deep in my heart I had been elated to see her again.

"What?! Why? We can't, you've already begged dad to stay here until senior year"! She stopped the treadmill a frown gracing her face. I knew she would be against it.

"It just isn't the place I remembered it to be. Besides I'm sure dad will be happy we decided to go back" I shrugged grabbing her water bottle to steal more water.

She hit me across the back of my head, snatching her bottle back. "What has gotten into you? We've been here an entire week and you already want to leave? Tell me the truth, Erin. And don't even think about lying to me"!

I couldn't possibly tell her the real reason I wanted to leave. She seemed smitten with Janet... I  didn't want to tell her that our friendship had been broken long ago. "I... I just miss Texas weather... it's kind of chilly here" I lied pathetically.

She rolled her eyes climbing off the treadmill to stand next to me. "Pfft you're lying straight through your teeth! Anyway I won't pressure you, but if you want to leave you can go alone. I'm staying here with Aunt Yuki, I actually like it here".

I gulped deeply thinking about... her. After all, she was the reason I'd been interested in coming back. To be honest, I never wanted to leave in the first place, but after my mother passed it seemed like I didn't have a choice. I was a kid at the time, and even when I begged my father to let me stay with my aunt he refused.

You're my son, you need to be raised by a man. I shouldn't have left you with your mother, to begin with...

Those were my father's words and to hear that as a child. It was confusing to me at the time, I had been raised by my mother for a period of time until she became sick. My father hadn't been in the picture and my mother never told me why.

So when I moved to Texas and saw he already had a family I began to resent him. How could he leave me and my mother behind? Did he even know I existed? To his knowledge, he had said he didn't even know my mother was pregnant.

After that I forgave him. If I had known about you... I would have come sooner. I believed him because if not who could I trust? I was just a kid trying to figure his fucked up life out.

"Why do you want to leave so bad? We only just got here and you know that if you tell dad you want to go back he'll make me come back too" Amy whined crossing her arms across her chest.

"Whatever, I'm heading in the shower". I walk out of the small gym and headed back to my room. We were staying with our aunt who lived in a four-bedroom apartment. She was a fashion designer and owned her own fashion brand. She'd lived here all her life helping my mother out whenever she needed someone to watch me while she worked.

She was the only family member left from my mother's side that I knew of. I hopped in the shower letting the warm water cascade over my aching muscles. Working out too hard was always something I regretted after the fact because it left me severely sore.

I began shampooing my hair, massaging my scalp. They say that showering is the best place to think. The very idea of that wasn't so far off as I thought about Janet. That day seeing her brought back a certain nostalgia.

It brought me back to the days when I was a chubby kid. Bullied day in and day out, she had been the only person willing enough to accept me for me. She understood what I went through being bullied and feeling alone.

She had been my rock, especially when my mother first became ill. At the time she helped me escape reality for a while and just be a kid. Maybe that's why I fell in love with her because she saw me when no one else did.

I've already come to terms with my feelings years ago. That day I told her I was leaving... I had meant to confess. But something in me made me hold back, maybe it was the look on her face after I told her I was moving. After that I couldn't bear to confess my feelings, I thought they would eventually fade away once I moved away.

And it had. For a short period of time, I started working out, and not soon after I gained the attention of girls. I started dating left and right with no conscience whatsoever. It was then I discovered it was the attention I sought. It was the fact that I was no longer a fat kid who used to be bullied.

But soon none of that mattered at all. It became pretty apparent very early on that I was only sought after based on the mere fact that I was attractive. None of these girls knew me... they didn't understand what I went through.

But Janet...

She understood

She was the one person that was able to break down my walls. She let me be me even if I was just some fat kid with a boring personality. It took me a while to see that she was the only one for me. So I had this outrageous plan that I would come back and I would finally confess.

Except none of that happened. And at this point, I wasn't sure it would ever happen. The only person who knew my true feelings was Amy, and that was risky in itself. I finally climbed out of the shower wrapping a towel around my waist.

Dressing in some basketball shorts and a plain white tee, I hopped into bed. While a part of me begged to stay and keep trying, another part of me wanted to get away from it all.

But if I was going to win her over, I needed to understand why she was angry at me. That was the first step on the agenda.