Too much

11: Let's talk

Star's P.O.V

"Mom for the hundredth time, I said I'm going to meet Billie so we can talk."

"That's the thing. You're not telling we what about." Her voice fades as I disappear into the closet once again, trying to put together an outfit. I have tons of clothes but my stomach is exposed in almost every outfit. "That is between me and Billie mom." I yell to her. I find an old hoodie and mom jeans and leave out of the closet.

The jeans are definitely going to be uncomfortable but I have to make do with what I have. I'm gonna go shopping soon. "Can I at least know where you're going?" My mom pleaded. I shook my head and said, "mom I'm 18." "I know." She said sadly. I frowned and turned to look at her. "Mommy what's wrong?"

She sighed and looked down. My frown deepening as I walked over to her and held her hands in mine. "It's just, you're growing up so fast. You're gonna leave soon to college and I'll just be lonely here without you." I pouted and rubbed my thumbs over her knuckles. "You have dad." I say softly. "He's never really here." She sniffled.

I almost break down as I see how hurt my mom is. She's never been like this and I don't really know what to do. Guilt also pings in my chest. Thinking about what I'm putting my mom through and little does she know I won't be going anywhere. I have a child on the way.

I put those thoughts aside and gave my mother a fake smile before saying, "Well I promise..(I stop to put a piece of hair behind her ear). That I will come any chance I get and see you." I place my head on her cheek, causing her to lean on it, smiling. She wraps her hand around mines and keeps it there for a second before putting it down and bringing me in for a hug.

She held me tightly to her. "I love you so much Star." She mumbled into my hair. "Please don't ever leave me." She whispered. "I won't. I promise. And I love you too mom." She kissed my head before letting me go. She messed my hair around a bit while saying, "My little superstar." "Mom! I'm not 3 anymore not get out of my room." I said jokingly, while laughing. She laughed and wiped a tear away from her eye before leaving out.

I love my mom so much. She's like my best friend. Once again guilt pinged my chest. Only this time, I don't why.

Little did Star know she wasn't gonna keep her promise.

——
After I ordered my food, I went to a table in the corner, isolated from everyone else. I came 15 minutes earlier so I can have a little time to recollect my thoughts. I was relieved to finally sit down. I've never felt it until now but I'm actually nervous. I scoff at myself. Why the fuck am I nervous? "Thinking out loud?"

I almost jump out of my seat when I hear the familiar voice. I look up to see a tired looking, but nonetheless beautiful Billie. The feeling in the stomach growing rapidly. I started stumbling and breathing hard. Billie quickly came over and held me. "You okay?" She asks.

"Yeah." I managed to get out. It was crazy how all this time I've never craved billie's touch until now. I cleared my throat and moved Billie's arms off of me. She looked saddened by my actions but I pretended not to notice. She got up off her knees and sat in the seat across from mine.

Just then the lady came over with my food and tea. I thanked her and immediately took the contents out the bag. "Grilled cheese?" Billie asked. I smiled and nodded. I could see her face light up and a big smile flash across it, which I know hasn't happened since our incident. I liked how we could still be cool like this even when we were mad at each other.

"Did you want something?" I asked, now looking apologetic. She furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head quickly. "No it's fine. I don't want anything." I flash her a quick smile before dipping my grilled cheese in the tomato soup and taking a bite.

"You don't know how bad I wanna hold you right now. And how much I miss you." I slowly look up and I could feel my cheeks flush. Shes doing it again. She is manipulating me and so far it's working. My stomach does flips when she reaches her hand over and wipes sauce from my bottom lip. She pulls her finger down slowly, dragging my lip with it and releasing it with a pop. She knows what she's doing.

I mentally slap myself for enjoying this little moment. Billie smirks when she's sees she still has that affect on me. I clear my throat once again and say, "Billie I don't really wanna talk about this situation over again. I just wanna know do you want me and this baby or not."

She sighs and puts her hand back in her lap. "Star I am truly sorry for questioning your loyalty to me and I thought a lot about what you said. Star I love you with every single bone in my body and I don't wanna lose you. I'm gonna be honest..I'm not over what happened with you and Sean but I want to build that trust back. And I want to be here for you and our baby, only if you want me to."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and kept blinking my eyes so that the tears wouldn't fall. "I want you to Billie. And I love you too.But now we're back at square one and we have to build the relationship we had. So friends?" I knew Billie didn't wanna be just friends but it's that or nothing. She smiled widely and nodded.

"Can I?" She motioned towards my belly. I smiled and nodded. She walked over and squatted in front of me. I turned my body towards her. She brought her hands slowly to my stomach and lifted the hoodie up a bit. I shivered when her cold fingers touched my skin. "Hey little one. I love you so much. I can't wait to meet you." She said in a cute baby voice. I laughed and wiped away a stray tear.

Billie gasped and looked at me with wide eyes. "It kicked." She said excitedly. My smile widened and I chuckled. "Let's go to your car." I say. She nods and stands up.