Remembering

Chapter sixteen: Becca's not okay

WARNING: THERE ARE SOME TOUCHY SUBJECTS IN THIS CHAPTER. I am sorry
LUKE/LOKIS VIEW;
After that day with Becca, I haven't seen her that much. Soldier says she's always in her room, not eating, and probably not sleeping. This is my fault, I asked her about her past and she told me. I only have sixteen days until my army attacks. I think I might just cancel my little plan with Becca. I was going to kiss her, that was the only way for her to remember. But, if I did this before the war.....Well.....I know Becca, she will try to protect me. That's not okay. If she tries to help me, the avengers will see her as a traitor. So if I loose the battle then she would surly be sent back with me. And even though Odin knew her......he would show no mercy. She would be tortured also.
I remember being tortured before I came here. Thanos cut me, whipped me, pulled out my teeth, starved me. And the only thing keeping me alive was the small hope that she would remember. I remember trying to keep myself awake just so I would know that I wasn't going to die. Well.....I didn't sleep for four days. That much sleep loss leads to the shutting down of the body. So finally I slept. Only to be waken up and hour later and tortured again. He chained me up. Tortured me. Waited until I was well. Then tortured me again. I remember throwing up blood. I remember the look of satisfaction as Thanos would slowly burn parts of my skin. I remember my wrists bleeding because of the chains. I remember the sound of my own cracking bones. I remember almost going mad. Seeing and hearing her......Frigga. My lovely mother. I remember laughing as "Frigga" told me it would be alright.....I knew It was all in my head. Sometimes Thanos would shape shift into my loved ones......Only two people. I remember "Becca" yelling at me telling me I was a mewling quim. Of course after a while I found out it was Thanos. I remember him taking my powers. And of course......the day he sent me on a mission to take over Midguard. Take over it's people. But of course there would be freaks of nature fighting against me.....and Becca.
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I needed to know if she was okay. So I went to her room, I could hear quiet sobbing. I knocked on the door. "Yeah?" She asked, trying to sound as okay as possible. "It's Luke." I lied, "May I come in?" I heard her sniff. "I- I'm kinda busy....right- right now." I waited a few seconds. After she thought I had gone away I heard her start to cry again. She suddenly sounded angry and I heard the sound of breaking glass and her sobbing again.
I quickly opened the door to see Becca.....she was up against the wall, sitting in shards of glass, her eyes looked at me. Her face was tear stained, eyes blood shot, and her arms.......massive cuts along them. I ran to her. She had broken a glass vase.
I held her in my arms. She looked at me. I looked at her. "I can't do this anymore...." She whispered. I shook my head, "No....It's all okay. We all have days where we just.....can't." She laughed a little. "Why are you laughing?"
"I'm sorry," She said. "I just can't concentrate because a battle is coming.....And I'm going to die in it. Even with my powers.....And I- I feel so confused. Like I remember something....but I don't. It's slowly eating away at my mind......I don't think I want to be alive." Her words broke me. I just stared at her......Sometimes silence is violent. "It's all going to be okay..... there's no need to be upset. You're not going to die. Theres no need to be angry."
"It's hard to act okay.....when everything's so broken." She whispered. I looked at her arm, and quickly healed it without her noticing. She looked so broken and tired. "You look worried." She said slowly. "You bottle everything up.....just....just let it out." So I did. I let my tears run freely. I was truly scared for her. "Luke?" She said. I was confused for a moment but remembered that I am Luke, "yes?" I said, stroking her cheek. "What are your regrets?" She thought she was dying. I knew it. Maybe she was. "My regrets......well....there was this woman that I loved very much and I.....I let go....and left her. Now I think-"
"We are prisoners of our thoughts." She cut in. "Do you ever just try....try to hold things in because you don't want to burden anyone with your problems?" She asked. I nodded. She laughed. "My life is a joke, Luke.....and I'm not laughing anymore." She said. She suddenly started to cough and I tightened my grip on her. "Yes, a battle is coming. But you are brave and strong and I believe in you." I sighed, "I was tortured once.....and the bravest thing I did.....was continuing my life when I wanted to die."
"That's pretty brave." She said. I laughed. "But Luke....I can't....I feel like I remember something but my mind won't accept it. Some days I wake up.....and all I do is think.... think about how my brain is fighting something.....and how I just feel so empty.....so alone.....so invisible....and completely devastated with who I am. My heart feels so lonely and how everything is meaningless."
"It's not meaningless." I told her. I wanted to tell her everything. But it would only put her in danger. I remember that I tried to recover, I tried to get better without her, but somewhere along the way....I feel apart again....I was lost again. Without her. "Please don't ever do this again." I told her. She nodded. "Don't burn your opportunity." I said with a smile. "Very funny." She said.
"You need sleep." I said as I put her on her bed. "I know...." She said slowly. I was about to walk out when suddenly she spoke again,
"Loki?"