Love and Trigger (Macimilian Series #3)

Chapter 20 Forget

Chapter 20

Forget

I was crying the whole ride home. Nang makarating sa bahay ay nadatnan ko doon sila Cali with my Tito and cousins. Kaagad niya akong dinaluhan pero nilagpasan ko lamang siya. I went to my room, still bursting all my kept tears.

Hindi ko pa nasasara ang pinto ay pumasok na si Cali doon. Her eyes are full of concern, nakakunot ang noo at nakamasid sa akin. Napatakip na ako sa mukha at humagulgol. My tears are for my brother and Dad, who left me here all alone. But many tears came when I felt the burning anger in me. The frustration and disappointment I feel for myself and for that specific person.

Hinila ako ni Cali at iniupo sa kama while she sat beside me.

"Astrid..." She sighed.

"Hindi ko alam kung ano nang g-gagawin ko, Cali," I said through my broken voice.

"Hindi ko alam kung pa'no ko pagagaanin 'yang loob mo, Astrid. Alam kong nasasaktan ka and you still need someone." She stopped, "Nakita ko Giovanni doon, ah?"

Doon ako napaangat ng tingin. My eyes were sharp directed to her.

"Don't say that name." matalim ang boses kong sabi.

She stilled for a moment, bago naguguluhang tumitig sa akin.

"Ano bang nangyari? Naguguluhan ako. Hindi kayo nag-uusap. Ayaw mo siyang makita. Hindi ko maintindihan, Astrid."

I tried to talk, but my tears fell again, and my lips tremble in so much emotion that I'm keeping. Kapag nagsalita ako sasabog iyon lahat. Umiling ako at humagulgol before angrily wiping it again.

"He's a cheater! He... h-he fooled me!"

Her eyes widen, not saying anything.

"And you know what? Ako iyong ginawang kabit!" I laughed sarcastically, "He has a fucking fiancé! H-He's..." my sobbed interrupted me.

"Ano..." tumayo si Cali at pilit akong hinahawakan para pigilan at kalmahin ako. I shoved her hands.

"Pero h-hindi naman kami... di'ba? Kaya bakit ako magagalit?" I tried to wiped my tears and heave a sighed. "Right? Wala naman akong karapatang magalit? P-Pero kasi..."

"Okay, huwag mo nang ikwento, Astrid. Magpahinga ka n-na..."

"No. We're friends, right? You should know." I chuckled, "Sabi niya... s-sabi niya... he will call off the engagement... so totoo." I looked up and touch my forehead. "Bakit hindi ko 'y-yon napansin, Cali?"

"Astrid,"

"Why... lagi naman kaming magkasama?" my voice tremble, "Bakit hindi ko nalaman, Cali, na may iba?"

"Hindi mo kasalanan 'yon, Astrid."

"No..." umiwas ako ng tingin at kinalma ang sarili, "I think kasalanan ko talaga. Ako kasi 'yong lumapit. You were there. I basically t-throw myself at him. Right? Bakit ba ako nagagalit? Kasalanan ko naman, d-diba?"

"Stop! Stop it, Astrid! Wala kang kasalanan. Okay? Please? Magpahinga ka muna..." nahihirapang sabi sa akin ni Cali.

Tumitig lang ako sa mata niya. Unti unti, bumabalik sa aking sarili. My hands tremble again, and my soft tears pooled. I slowly sat as I feel my body draining strength. Sa namumulang mata ay tumingin sa akin si Cali.

She bit her lip, "Matulog ka muna. Bukas, maguusap ulit tayo. Okay? Pupuntahan kita dito..."

Hindi ako nakatulog kahit pa umabot ng gabi. I keep thinking about everything that happened. Kahit sa pagpikit ng mata ko, nandoon pa rin iyon. Lahat. My brother, my Dad, my Mom... the pain of losing them and never seeing them again. The pain of being alone. And there's one pain that I cannot describe. Nararamdaman ko lang iyon, masakit, gumuguhit, habang pumapasok siya sa isip ko.