That title made you think they were going to fight, did it? Oh, come on, admit it, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I would've made the same mistake.
So, basically instead of a physical fight, it's going to be a roast banter between Steven and Stephen, except with one difference. Instead of it being Stephen from this story, it's going to be Steven from my AU series, straight out of it, like from the ending of the series. This would cause some confusion for some of you since his name is Steven and not Stephen.
I would simply title his name as AU Steven so you would know which is which. I made a topic in my Steven Universe topic story where I discussed the similarities and differences between the two, so I would be consulting it for the insults in this. And before I continue further, I want to say that this is basically Steven bashing from the show, but it's done for comedy reasons, not because of personal hatred, so please do not misinterpret this as me finding a way to hate Steven.
And there's also strong language, so if you're sensitive to that, please proceed with caution. This little roast-banter is inspired from this video (If you're a fan of Batman and/or Superman, I recommend you watch it, but it also contains strong language):
Enjoy:
3rd Person P.O.V.
(AU Steven) What do you want, Steven?
(Steven) I want us to team up.
(AU Steven) What? Why?
(Steven) You're me.
(AU Steven) Yeah. And I have no special powers.
(Steven) But you're smarter than me. That alone--
(AU Steven) Is completely useless when we have a guy that broke an avail with a tiny hammer without even trying.
(Steven) Your fighting skills--
(AU Steven) My greatest enemy was Moonlight. Who is essentially Jasper but smarter and stronger. She broke my back and tormented me. You could've taken her down with one hand with your pink aura strength.
(Steven) It's just... I don't... (sighs) You're cool.
(AU Steven) Oh, (chuckles) okay. I get it. You're having an image problem.
(Steven) Don't be ridiculous. I'm Steven Universe, Savior of The Galaxy.
(AU Steven) Yeah! Exactly! You're fucking white bread.
(Steven) White bread?
(AU Steven) It means you're boring and tasteless.
(Steven) What are you talking about? I had an entire season where my problems were catching up with me.
(AU Steven) Yeah, and you weren't the same Steven everyone knew and love. You were just the emo teenager up until the final episode.
(Steven) Because I was dealing with TRAUMA. Something you also have.
(AU Steven) Yeah, well guess what? I didn't commit manslaughter because of it. I didn't turn into a fucking monster because I thought I was a monster. Look at you with your stupid pink jacket.
(Steven) What's wrong with my jacket?
(AU Steven) It's pink. You're mom is Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz. You resent her, yet you wear the color she had. Get over your dead mom already.
(Steven) Oh, yeah? Might I remind you about Phoebe when she died?
(AU Steven) Oh, screw you for comparing Phoebe to Pink Diamond! My mom is a woman who saved me from committing suicide and your mom was a war criminal who stirred up a lot of gems and left you to deal with them. You have a star on your shirt, in case we could forget who you are.
(Steven) It's the Crystal Gem symbol and it stands for hope.
(AU Steven) Hope starts with an H, stupid!
(Steven) Okay, stop it!
(AU Steven) Face it, you're lame.
(Steven) You're just a watered down Batman.
(AU Steven) Fuck you! At least I don't control my abilities with my fucking emotions. It's so clique. "When I'm happy, I can jump up really high and float! When I'm sad, I fall down like a sunken boat! When I get angry, I grow big and strong and pink! I can also run really fast and back before you could blink!"
(Steven) Did you just rhythm?
(AU Steven) Marvel and DC called. They wanted you to stop pretending to be Hulk and Flash. And you call me a watered down Batman.
A figure steps in.
(Phoebe) What's going on?
(Steven) We were just discussing a partnership.
(Phoebe) What? Why?
(AU Steven) That's what I said!
(Phoebe) Yeah. That seems completely unnecessary.
(Steven) Why are you two like this?
(AU Steven) Someone has to tell you. You're boring.
(Phoebe) Pretty lame.
(AU Steven) All this lameness is probably why you haven't successfully "seal the deal" with Connie.
(Phoebe) Ooh~
(Steven) Leave. Her. Out of this.
(AU Steven) That, and you were too deluded to listen to Garnet about love when she's just a stereotype for love. And even more deluded to think consulting a gem about human advise would work. No wonder why she said no.
(Steven) ENOUGH!
He glowed pink and grew taller and stronger. The other two looked at him, unfazed.
(Phoebe) You're adorable.
(AU Steven) Yeah. What are you gonna do, sweetie? Pummel us with your Diamond walls? Wouldn't be the first time, would it?
Steven returned to normal.
(Steven) I came here to team up. Not to be berated.
(AU Steven) Hey, Steven, could Pink Diamond read minds like White Diamond? What am I about to do?
Before he could responds, he interrupts him.
(AU Steven) I'll save you the trouble. I'm giving you the bird. What does this mean on Homeworld? Gratitude?
(Phoebe) Ouch!
(Steven) Please do not bring up White again.
(AU Steven) Why? Is it because you're ashamed of what you tried to do to her, or ashamed that I successfully shattered her?
(Steven) Yet apparently when I shattered a gem, everyone hated me for doing that. But when you shattered a gem, nobody says anything.
(AU Steven) That's because my series isn't as popular as yours and I did it out of self defense.
(Steven) Screw you both. Goodbye.
He took the warp to leave.
Wonderful people:
1amB0b
GachaEvery
Iwearsweats
Tyra131228
pvz_and_waffles
Wattreader7389
7/3/2021
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The Tale of Two Stevens
FanfictionA Steven Universe AU where Steven meets his full human counterpart. Both of them look so alike yet they're both so different in preference, personality and problem solving. Steven then tries an experiment with Stephen (the full human Steven) to see...
