Horse Stone (Book 1 of Ilyrian Series)

Chapter 74

"M-M-M-My help?" Dr. Weiner asked with a small stutter while he pointed at himself. He cleared his throat and kept his finger pointing towards himself while he stared at me with a shocked expression on his face. "You're looking for m-m-m-my help?"

I nodded and tucked the necklace back under my shirt. "Well... ya," I said. I furrowed my brows and cocked my head, nervous while my heart was going a million miles a minute because I had no idea why he was panicking about me wanting his help.

Did he not want to help me?

"Why?" he asked. He dropped his hand until it rested with the other on top of the notebook that held notes about me. He tapped against it anxiously, waiting for a response, and I had no idea if it was because he was nervous about me putting him in a spot that he didn't want to be in or what.

I looked down and shrugged, and my face fell because I didn't expect that response from him. I guess not... I thought and cleared my throat.

"Nothing, nothing, it's fine," I said and moved a hand through my hair. I took a deep, shuddering breath and cleared my throat while I shook my head. "I'm fine, really." I looked at him and forced a smile on my face, even though all I wanted to do was cry because I had no idea who else to turn to with my questions and fears before I told Vanar what had happened to me.

He had been my only hope...

Dr. Weiner's eyes grew wide, and he shook his head, and I had a feeling that he finally realized how I took it. "Oh, no, no, no, no, Your Highness," he said soothingly. "I didn't mean it like that. I want to help you, to get you to trust me and open up about what had happened. I am just..." He moved a hand through his hair and cleared his throat while he shook his head and trailed off. "Why do you want my help out of all people? I am sure that there are others that know..." He raised an eyebrow, and I nodded in confirmation because there were others that knew that I knew. "So why don't you ask them for help? Why are you asking me?"

"So you don't mind helping me?" I asked, not answering his question because there was no one else that I could ask since I was more afraid of their reactions than with him. I squashed the little glimmer of hope that filled my chest while I looked at him through narrowed eyes. "Or do you?"

His gaze grew soft, and his eyes were filled with guilt because he understood that I was a little suspicious of him wanting to help me because of his first reaction. He bowed his head, and the little glimmer of hope lit itself up again, no matter how many times I squashed it. "I do not mind helping you at all, Your Highness," he said and looked at me so that I could see the honesty in his eyes. "I am more than happy to be at your service."

I nodded and grew relieved while I relaxed. I was happy that he would help me even if he didn't know why I didn't ask someone else for help. I was happy that I could open up, even though there was a chance that I wouldn't open up fully to him or anyone.

Dr. Weiner cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "But may I be so bold to ask why you want my help instead of those that already know? Why risk me telling the king what you have told me when the others won't?"

"Because technically you can't without my permission," I replied and gave him a pointed look, and he raised an eyebrow in question. "You are my therapist, so it is your "job" to help me and listen to my thoughts and worries without telling anyone else, especially the king."

Dr. Weiner hesitated but nodded. "True..." he said and nodded again. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "So, how may I help you?" he asked and raised an eyebrow. "What can I help you with?"

I sighed and shrugged. I held my legs close to my body and cleared my throat. I was nervous and prayed that he wouldn't think of me any differently, especially since I wasn't innocent nor pure like they wanted. "Do you know the legends behind the gem and the person who receives it?"

Dr. Weiner nodded. "I do," he confirmed. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat again while he created his notebook in his lap. "'The gem chooses a young maiden with a good heart. She is pure in all aspects, and it is written in the stars.'" He furrowed his brows and cocked his head while he studied me. "Why does that have to do with anything?" he asked.

I shifted in my seat and cleared my throat. I looked down and didn't meet his gaze while I played with the ends of my hair. My heart pounded hard in my chest, and it sometimes leaped into my throat, making it hard for me to talk. "It's because I'm not pure in all aspects," I said, not meeting his gaze, my voice barely above a whisper. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat again while I ignored the pounding in my chest while my heart raced in fear and anxiety. "I can't or shouldn't be the one because of that."

Dr. Weiner cocked his head and studied me. He waited for me to tell him what he meant, but I didn't. He sighed and cleared his throat when the seconds ticked by and turned into minutes. "Well?" he asked, finally. His voice was soft and gentle, and he was patient while he studied me. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath and looked at him, my face blank but my eyes holding the feelings that I felt of pain, loss, and sorrow. I prayed that nothing bad would happen when I told him this and prayed that I would be able to explain it to him, even though a part of me knew that it wouldn't happen. "I am not innocent nor pure in all aspects," I said, my voice void of any emotion while I stared at him. "I had something that was taken away from me, and it wasn't his to take, and I now can't give it to the one who steals my heart."

De. Weiner studied me, looking confused. "What do you mean?" he asked. "What was taken from you? Why can't you give it to the one that steals your heart?"

I cleared my throat and clasped my hands together. I knew that they were shaking, and I prayed that they would stop soon, even though I knew that they wouldn't, not until I got some reassurance from him. "My innocence," I said, finally, and I was surprised that my voice didn't shake. I cleared my throat again and shrugged while I dropped my gaze to my hands because I couldn't meet his confused gaze any longer than I had. "I can't give the person who steals my heart my innocence."

Dr. Weiner studied me, trying to figure out what I meant before realization dawned in his eyes because he finally understood what I meant by my innocence being taken. Pain and sadness filled his eyes, and he cleared his throat. "Oh, Your Highness," he said with a soft sigh in his voice. "How did it happen to you?"