Horse Stone (Book 1 of Ilyrian Series)

Chapter 85

My sister and Vanar looked at each other before they looked at me. They stayed silent while they waited for me to start, but for some reason, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

My heart pounded hard in my throat, and I struggled to breathe, to form sentences that would tell them what had happened and how I ended up in the position that I was, weak and afraid of everything despite being that child that would take a dare with stride and not think about the consequences until later or after whatever stupid thing I could come up with was done.

Vanar nuzzled my shoulder and stayed silent, patiently waiting for me to say something, anything so that he could understand me. He shifted a little until he was closer to me and waited, sending me some confidence that I lacked, even though it wasn't enough.

I cleared my throat and licked my lips while I focused on the stallion near me. "Um... the person's name is Ethan," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I grimaced and shrugged, not sure if I would be able to get my voice any higher while I told them everything. "Which you already know." I cleared my throat and licked my lips again. "I met him when I was about twelve or thirteen. He had to be about sixteen then or at least near it."

Or maybe older than that because he could be something other than human...

I shook my head and pushed that thought before I sighed and I cleared my throat again. I kept my gaze on Vanar's neck, not wanting to meet their gazes while I continued to try and get the confidence that I so desperately lacked, fearing the worst.

I took a deep, shuddering breath and hesitantly opened my mind so that Vanar could see what I had to say, feel the emotions I felt, and everything in between while I talked about Ethan and meeting him.

Vanar grew still underneath my touch but relaxed immediately, surprised that I had let him see everything from my view. He didn't say a word while he waited for me to speak and show him what had happened to me.

"I was infatuated the first moment that I saw him," I said and chuckled while I shook my head. I pursed my lips in disgust and rolled my eyes, silently cursing myself for being so stupid and such a "girl" in love with a boy that sent me a smile. "My sister, Izzy, was too, but it felt as if he had only eyes for me, and I was pleased with that."

I cleared my throat and licked my lips while I grew serious. "It didn't take long for me to fall for him, and I fell hard. I didn't care that my father or mother didn't want me to see him or anything. I just..." I sighed and shook my head. "... I just wanted him, and he knew it."

I sent Vanar an image of Ethan wooing me to love him, being the man that I so desperately wanted and heard stories about. I had ignored all of the warning signs that I now saw, going back through those memories, and I silently cursed myself for being stupid and so naive that he'd be the man that I wanted and craved.

"He was a sweetheart in the beginning," I said with a soft chuckle and a shake of my head. "Dani can attest to that. He held the door open for me and everything, made sure that I was happy and healthy." I smiled bitterly and shook my head. "But then everything changed. He changed."

Slowly, the images that I was showing Vanar turned darker, the comments that I started to hear appearing about around the time we first kissed.

I took a deep, shuddering breath and cleared my throat. "Once he knew that I was in his grasp, he started to make me feel like shit. He said these stupid snide comments under his breath and started to make me hate myself and to think that everyone else hated me too."

I licked my lips and cleared my throat again. "But it didn't really get bad until the party that I went to but wasn't supposed to go." I flashed Dani a small smirk before I grew serious and sighed. "He.. ah... he raped me... He raped me there." I fiddled with a piece of Vanar's mane. "He didn't just rape me, though. He had drugged me and then raped me."

I shrugged, losing the confidence to share everything with them. "And... ya. That's about it."

Dani scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Do not lie to me, Hadley Rose," she scowled. "I know that that isn't everything, so tell us everything that has happened. We aren't here to judge or anything. We're here to understand and to help you gain the confidence that you need to become the queen."

Vanar turned his head around and nuzzled me with his nose. "What you say will not be used against you, Hadley," he said soothingly. "Even if it gets out from us, everyone will see that you are a strong queen and deserve the respect that your foremothers had received from them."

I closed my eyes and leaned closer to my horse, craving the comfort that he provided me. "Promise?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I silently cursed myself for sounding so weak, but I couldn't do anything about it.

I couldn't break the silence that I was taught to crave.

Vanar nodded and nuzzled my shoulder deeper, and I could tell that he hated how hard I was on myself. "Promise," he replied and whickered. Again, he nuzzled me and breathed out before he took in my scent again.

I nodded and cleared my throat before I told them everything, not hiding anything from them, especially from Vanar, because I let him see everything that had happened to me when it came to Ethan and the love spell he had me under until I was able to break free from it.

Please let this not be a mistake, I silently prayed. Please.

I can't take another heartbreak.