I needed this night out, and by night out I meant that me and Kekoa were down in my man cave while De'Veon and Raheim watched the kids; not only was it too damn cold to be going out and doing anything but I just wasn't really feeling the club scene. Lately, there's been a string of shootings that stemmed from some drug war... don't ask me that wasn't my style and I tried to stay away from that street shyt. Elijah was out with Roy and Jaire having a boy's night out (because that nigga Roy needed it) and that gave me and Kekoa time to catch up since it's been a while since I've seen him. Of course, the conversation started off lite, we discussed the music he was working on and I had to admit that was something I missed.... I had really gotten off track when it came to music but being a full-time father came first and having a newborn took up a lot of my time. I had been avoiding the inevitable, but I could feel us getting closer to the reason I called Kekoa here in the first place and that was 'the incident' and I wasn't entirely sure I was ready to discuss with him everything that was running through my head, but in typical Kekoa fashion he jumped straight to the one thing I wasn't ready for.
"So what was going through your head?" Kekoa asked and I tensed up before pouring me another glass of crown, then another... He didn't rush me, he just patiently waited until I was ready and even then he was as still as stone as I went into the story.
"I can't tell you what was going through my head... I just so happened to be running by and this woman was screaming saying that her kids were in there. I guess that parental instinct kicked in and my body just moved. The craziest part is I don't regret doing it...." I said quietly.
"But it's still eating you up inside that you couldn't save the dude.... I read the article." Kekoa said and I nodded.
"He was trapped behind a big ass piece of wood.... and even though he knew it was the end, the only thing he was concerned about was making sure his kids got out. There wasn't a hint of fear in his voice.... I can still hear it, whenever I close my eyes; I can still feel the heat of the fire, still taste the smoke, feel it filling my lungs, still see the fear in those kids eyes." I said going back to that place, I made another drink and I downed it without pause. "It wasn't until I made it to the hospital that I realized what I had done and I was mad at myself and even though he's a kid.... DJ made me feel even worse."
"He's a kid... he was scared." Kekoa said softly.
"Trust me I know... but he told me that he didn't want me doing anything like that again. He was afraid of losing another parent and hearing that from him.... it broke me and it doesn't help that now wherever I go back to that place, I see DJ and De'Vaughn.... I see Elijah, I hear his voice, and..... it scares me." I said.
"Doonie, it's natural for you to feel some lingering trauma.... who wouldn't but holding all this in isn't doing you any favors, and hiding it from Elijah is even worse. You running into that building didn't just affect you, it affected your brothers, your kids, your friends, Elijah.... I get that you wanna appear strong because you see the effect that your decision had on them but in truth, they should be the ones supporting you." Kekoa said.
"Man shut the fuck up...." I said waving him off. "Why your ass always gotta be right about shyt? Like you really be coming thru, droppin knowledge and them dippin..... How are things with that nigga Bandit?" I asked wanting to change the subject and I could see it had worked because know Kekoa was the one reaching for the bottle. "That bad huh?" I asked laughing.
"I cut his ass off.... he's up in New York being a hoe and I don't got time to be dealing with his bullshyt. I guess he's fuckin his best friend's dude... this nigga really called me drunk one night bragging about that shyt and I told him he was fake as fuck for that but he told me that if I stopped playing them maybe he wouldn't have to fuck other dudes. That's our problem he wants me to depend on him for everything, he doesn't want me making music, he doesn't want me to have friends, he doesn't want me to have a life..... he wants to be my everything and that's not how I was raised." Kekoa said clearly pissed.
