The Badass Was Kidnapped

You're Home!

"Emma!" Cleo tells as I walk through the door.

"Enma? You forgot about me already?" I fake cry.

"Um..who are tou?" Dylan asks in a sassy voice.

"Excuse me lady, but I don't think that's any of your business." I reply popping my hip out. Hehe, popping my hip out is so fun to say!

"I missed you Jessie Girl. How are things back home?" He smiles pulling me in for a hug.

"Good, an Gwen your brother says hi. And if you Skype him ignore the black eye. Him and Niall just had a little falling out when I went to get my stuff." I smile.

"You stayed with my brother?" She asks and I nod.

"He bought me ham." I shrug. "Speaking off which I need some ham. I haven't had a price in an hour!" I walk towards my room and into my closest I where my fridge is waiting. Yes, I have a fridge in my closest and yes his name is George. "Long time no see George. Did you keep my ham save? Of course you did. You have a code to open you. A very complex Code if I do say so myself." I punch in the code and open the fridge door only to see..someone ate all my ham!!!!!! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I scream and Dylan and Cleo come rushing in.

"What?" Dylan asks.

"Who was the last one in my room," I glare.

"Um, Louis. He wanted to see if there were any signs to where you could've gone."Cleo answers glancing at my fridge. "Oh shit..there's gonna be hell to pay," she mumbles and Dylan follows her glance to my empty fridge. I don't listen as they call my name and I rush next door.

"Oh Lewis! Where are you?" I call out sickly sweet as I burst into the room where all the guys are still sitting stupefied. (Yes, I am a wizard and I did stupefy them.)

"Liam! Hide me!" Louis yells and Harry gasps.

"Why would Liam hide you boo-bear? Why not me?" He exclaims.

"Because harry, I need a real man for this job." Louis says as he cowers behind Liam.

"Jess?" Harry asks and I glance at him quickly. "Kill him." He finishes and I nod and turn back to Louis.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yell a I charge Louis. "I shall kill thou!"

"If you can catch me!" He yells and runs away screaming. Only to trip on the.....hand. "OMG! It'S THE HAND!" I yell gasping. "EVERYONE START ACTING TERRIBLY AND EAT YOUR ARM AS YOU SCREAM!" I yell and the boy look at me like I'm psycho. (A/N if you haven't seen creature from the black lagoon then won't understand this joke but its a black and white "horror" movie that me an my friends watched but ended up making fun of it!)

"It's just me Jess," Niall says as he stands up.

"Oh, well then." I reply before jumping on Louis and punching him in the stomach over and over again.

"Whoa Jess, that's enough," Liam says as he pulls me off Louis.

"YOU ATE ALL MY HAM!!!!! YOU ATE IT!!!!" I yell as I struggle against Liam's arms.

"Whoa Jess, you're really light. Have you eaten anything other than ham lately?" Liam asks and I nod my head. Lie, i've only eaten ham and fruit and veggies for the past few years. You could say I was half anorexic, but I like to say I'm just never hungry.

"Sure..." Liam says seeing through my lie. He gently sets me down but keeps a firm hold on my so J don't go after Louis again. "Louis, you will buy Jess asynchronous ham a she warns for the next month. Got it?" Liam asks and Louis nods still lying in the floor groaning in pain.

"Fine...." I sigh. "Sorry Lou. But how did you know the code?" I ask.

"The codes ham. How could I not know?" He replied slowly standing up.

"I though it was pretty complicated, I mumble a I sit next to Niall who starts to wrap his arm around me but notices that he can't cause you know....the hippo is still watching us. Oh and Liam. "Oh my God! Wouldn't it be awesome to have a hippo head in your living room?" I gasp and Harry laughs.

"Or a pig head," he replies.

"Don't be silly Harold. A pig head would simply look silly. Plus that's just wasted ham then." I reply as I runtime glare at him.

"Alrighty then! Let us watch a movie!" Liam explains and I glance at him weirdly. Let us? Really? It's let's. Jeez, use proper grammar.

"Winnie the Pooh!" Zayn and I yell at the same time then high five. And that is why later on two girls walked in on 5 teenage/adult boys and 1 teenage girl/women watching Winnie the Pooh.Wait... Can you say adult boys cause they are certainly not men, I mean come on they're watching Winnie the Pooh! I will call them flubbers. And they shall be my flubbers. "Ow! Bad flubber!" I yell as Louis runs into me on the way to see 1/2 girls.

"Flubber?"Niall asks and I nod.

"Can we get a dog and name him squishy?" I ask randomly.

"I am confused." The darker hairs girl mumbles.

"And I am the Queen of Hamalot and I demand a dog named squishy! Or nemo." I reply.