Jamais Vu

Chapter 21

Sunhee received a big order for a company brunch at Big Hit building a few days after the Billboard Award. It was placed by none other than Hoseok. She had been baking nonstop since early morning and she couldn't wait until they have enough space for the extra equipment. If the ovens in the bakery could scream, it might be begging for mercy by now. She really hoped it won't break down until they can get more in.

She went and helped Sehun with the delivery that day. She also brought Dowon along as a part of the training since he might be helping and handling deliveries in the future. Sunhee was taught by her former employer that exposing the staff to every task that everyone do will foster respect and pride for their job. No task is too small and even the owner can go and do delivery. Nothing wrong with doing the washing either.

Sunhee and her team were greeted warmly at the reception and were led to the floor which housed the pantry and common room. Dowon helped Sehun pushing the trolley of bread they baked earlier and Sunhee brought along the serving trays and utensils.

The Big Hit staff was friendly and helpful which made the work easy for them. Hoseok was nowhere around. Sunhee knew he was busy preparing for their comeback in one of the dance studios in the building and she didn't want to bother him much.

After instructing Dowon and Sehun on serving the food, she went out to the restroom. There were a couple of young men in front of her talking about their day. Judging from their looks and actions, Sunhee bet they were idol trainees. They were too much into their conversation that they did not realize they were blocking the way.

Sunhee smiled as she unwillingly listened to their conversation. They had the same conversation she had with one of the trainee friends back then. That hadn't changed much throughout the years. She didn't pay much attention to their conversation that much but as Sunhee was nearing the restroom, bits and pieces of their talk caught her ears.

They were talking about debuting and their family.

Her breath suddenly became choppy and short. Sunhee felt like passing out. Beads of perspiration formed on her forehead.

No, not now, she said to herself.

She went quickly inside the restroom and into one of the cubicles. Her legs feel like jelly as she slipped down on the toilet seat, crouching with her teeth chattering. She hated that. Losing control and the feel of hopelessness as it enveloped her. It felt as if her body was locked in a trance as she was struggling to breathe.

Sunhee counted slowly in her mind as she was trying to control herself. Focus your mind on breathing, the psychiatrist's voice rang in her mind. She counted to 5 and she repeated it. She didn't know how many times she repeated the breathing cycle nor how long she was in the cubicle.

Her phone rang.

She heard the sound but was unable to move her hand. Whoever was on the line could wait. Sunhee sat straight as she gathered herself up and controlled her breathing. She hadn't had an attack for a long time. Maybe making deliveries at an entertainment company was a bad idea for her but she knew eventually she had to do it especially with Hoseok in the business.

This was the first job in years involving one and she had never thought of the possibility of getting an anxiety attack during work. She thought she was over it, but seems that she was wrong. She can't simply put someone else in charge since there were only 5 of them in the bakery. Maybe she was stressed out because of the expansion? There were too many things to manage and consider.

Her phone rang again. She didn't feel like she had the energy to pick up the call just yet. She needed to regain her composure as she knew, her voice would definitely break if she did.