Jamais Vu

Chapter 60

"Watch your steps," instructed Sunhee as she led Hoseok through the trail.

"How much further are we?" asked Hoseok to Sunhee as they hiked up mount Odae.

"Do you realize that you ask me that every single time when we reached this point?" asked Sunhee, looking amused.

"I do?" asked Hoseok as he kept on moving.

"It wasn't noticeable the first time," said Sunhee. "It gets obvious when it happens every year. At least you didn't ask me - are we there yet?"

"I'm not used to hiking and this is the point when I would get out of breath," replied Hoseok.

"Do you want to stop and take a break?" asked Sunhee as she stopped and looked at him.

"No. I know we're not far from the top," said Hoseok as he grabbed onto Sunhee's hand. They were alone at the trail, so it was okay for them to walk hand in hand.

It was the anniversary of Sunhee's father's death as Sunhee went on her yearly pilgrimage to the mountain. Hoseok had been going with her whenever he could and this year was no exception. The weather was clear that morning when they started.

They reached the peak of Odaesan and Sunhee passed him the water bottle that she had been drinking from. Hoseok hugged her close from behind as Sunhee took off her backpack.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he kissed her cheek. That time of the year was always the hardest for Sunhee. Her nightmare wasn't as bad as before but it still happened after the years they were together. Last night, Hoseok woke up to Sunhee sobbing in her sleep. She stopped sobbing as she slept on. To Hoseok, that was good enough. She didn't jerk up awake as she did when they just got together.

"I'm fine whenever I'm with you. You're my remedy," replied Sunhee. "What about you? I know I'm useless this time of the year. I can't even function in the kitchen. The only thing I could do now is nothing kitchen related, other than pouring hot water into the ramyeon cup."

"It's jamais vu," said Hoseok.

"Jamais vu? Is it something to do with deja vu?"

"It's the opposite of that. It's when something you are so familiar with becomes something new and alien to you," explained Hoseok. "It's like you suddenly forget about something that you used to do or some words that you are so used to using suddenly didn't make any sense."

Sunhee nodded thoughtfully. "Did I have any nightmares last night? I don't seem to remember anything when I woke up this morning."

"You cried in your sleep, but that's about it. You were not even awake."

"But you did. Sorry if I'm messing with your sleep," she apologised.

"Aegiya, you have always worn me out by the time we slept. I'm fine with that," he teased, which Sunhee immediately pinched him in retaliation.

"Are you having any regrets yet?" asked Sunhee softly.

Hoseok just held her close. He knew that's also the time when she gets more emotionally insecure. "Aegiya, I'm in for a long time."

Hoseok held her left hand, lightly touching the ring that he put there a couple of days before they made their trip to the mountain. He didn't do any grand proposals in front of many people. He made his breakfast toast for her, went down on his knees afterwards and proposed. Sunhee said yes after she was done with her coughing fit when she choked on her food as he did his deed.

"I hope that you won't get tired of me," said Sunhee.

"It's the same for me, aegiya. I hope you won't get tired of me, too," Hoseok said earnestly.

If Sunhee had her insecurity stemmed from her PTSD, his came from the indefinite future of when his popularity would wind down, his group would just be a name in the history and he would just be himself.

Not a café owner.

Not a real estate investor.

Not a producer.

Not a singer nor rapper

Just a man named Jung Hoseok.

Other people would look at him in awe, liking him for who he had become or taking advantage of his position and fame. But not Sunhee. To her, he's still the same person she met years ago and she never treated him any differently. She was there when he felt low. She was also there when he's on the top, feeling high.

"I love you, Baek Sunhee-ssi."

"I love you, too, Jung Hoseok-ssi."

They stood gazing at the view in front of them.

Whatever the future awaits them, it looks promising.

They have each other.

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Author's note: Jamais Vu 💜