Fate/ Dire Paradox (Jeanne Alter X Male Reader)

After Story - Chapter 2

Giving myself a moment to shed the sleep from my brain, blinking a couple of times I sometimes forget that I lost my eyesight... no... I don't forget. It's more like I hope to see again but every time it is a brutal reminder of the consequences of my actions.

The corner of my mouth arches upward into a smile as Jeanne nuzzles into my body, clinging to me.

It is only fair, right? It robbed me of my circuits and eyes. Everything I am as a mage disappeared as I received my prize - you. Trailing my finger gently along her face, despite my eyes I can still see her clearly.

How many times must I wake like this? Having to remind myself that even though I failed as a mage, sacrificing everything that I am... to destroy everything I ever worked for. Is worth having the person next to me by my side.

Scoffing at myself, I lift myself out of bed as I grab my glasses, rubbing the wetness from my eyes as I pull myself towards the bathroom. I stop in front of the mirror as I give myself a pitiful look.

"If you have to think like that I am starting to think you aren't really over it after two years huh?" I ask myself a rather rhetorical question.

Turning in place I rest my back against the sink and lift my gaze to the ceiling, "You were beaten to death by a berserker, why are you being so depressed about losing your eyesight?" I slide my fingers under my glasses to rub my eyes out of frustration.

With a quick shake of my head, I step out of the bathroom. A smile spreads across my face as I see Jeanne staring at me from the bed, almost like she was expecting me.

I step to the side of the bed, sitting at the edge, "Goodmorning, I didn't mean to wake you."

She shakes her head, "I was awake for a bit," she yawns, "What's wrong? You sound upset again."

"Don't make it sound like this is a daily thing."

She glares at me, lifting the blanket she gestures for me to get in, "Get in."

"I have work in an hour... you know that."

"Shut up and get in the bed."

I roll my eyes as I do as I am told, I manage a chuckle as I rest my head on the pillow. She then lifts herself over me, dropping herself on top of me as she crosses her arms over my chest. Resting her head on her arms she stares me in my eyes.

"Jeanne?"

"What's wrong? You aren't leaving this bed till you tell me why it looks like someone kicked you in the balls."

I manage a chuckle, "Like you are going to let me get out of bed in the first place."

She only narrows her eyes at me, she then lifts her hand towards my face, pulling the glasses from my face, and puts them on the bedside table. I instinctively narrow my eyes to get a better look but give up with a chuckle.

"Tell me already, geez. I don't want to beat it out of you."

"Beat!? Why would you do that to the person you love!?"

I hear her giggle a bit, I shake my head with a faint smile, "Please talk to me. I hate seeing you be so angry and upset every morning."

"Can I at least put my glasses back on?" I reach for them but she grabs me by the wrist, stopping me.

"No. I don't want you to see my face," she says.

"You are bullying a crippled man. I hope this brings you happiness."

"Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you?"

I then snort, "I guess that won't work," I lift my gaze to the ceiling, "It's just... I get depressed every time I wake up and I can't see a single thing. I have to wear these damned things just to be able to see you... to see anything."

She then states, "You... you did all that for me, you were willing to sacrifice yourself for me and now you are upset because you survived and only damaged your eyesight and circuits?" she then lowers her voice, asking in a pained tone, "Do you even love me then? Do you regret everything?"

The pain in my chest grows larger as her words sting me further, I reach for her. She grabs my hand guiding it to her face.

"I want to spend eternity with you," I say with a serious tone, "A part of me regrets only losing what I did, I hate myself for thinking that way-"

She silences me with a long and warm kiss, "Then I will hate that part of you with you," she slides off my chest to my side, holding me tightly, "We didn't come this far to let these thoughts tear us apart. If you want to cry about it... even if you need to scream out your frustration I will understand, okay?"

I nod, feeling the tears well in my eyes, "Okay, I am sorry."

"I should be the one saying sorry, you did this for me-"

"Because I am the one that wanted to do it. I should be happy..." I turn my head in her direction, she wipes the tears from my face with her thumb, "I am stupid."

"You are, but I didn't fall in love with you because of that."

"You are being awfully compassionate about this."

"What?!" she suddenly sounds offended, "Want me to call you a dumbass and explain to you how fucking stupid it really is? How I really feel about you getting upset about a sacrifice you made!?"

I nod, "Yes but I adore you. I adore you for going this far just for my sake."

She then mutters as if she is embarrassed, "I already said what I wanted to say... I love you, you idiot."

"I didn't mean to make it sound I dislike it when you show compassion, I just love seeing that side of you," I shut my eyes nuzzling against her.

"Shut up," she counters, then finally asks after a long comforting silence, "Feeling better about yourself?"

I nod, "I do. Even if it is just a little bit, I will get used to this. I will stop pitying myself eventually... I know I shouldn't. Because I have all that I can ask for right next to me."

"And she is willing to beat it out of you," she adds.

"That... I didn't want to add that but whatever."

She giggles a bit, "Now shut up and go back to sleep."

"I need to get ready for work..."

"Shut. Up. Go. Back. To. SLeep."

Not fighting back I do as I am told. After a moment I turn my head to watch her, her soft and slow breathing indicating that she is already fast asleep. Brushing my lips against her forehead I then shut my eyes again to the same.

I envy your ability to fall asleep so quickly.

I say but don't take much longer to fall back asleep. Resulting in me being late for work by three hours but at least I feel much happier and better about myself.