Hyewon// Don't Delete The Kisses

Chapter Twenty

I sat down on my bed and Yerim sat right in front of me, without taking her eyes off of me. I grabbed the ramen that Hyunjin had left on my table and continued to eat it, but I could feel Yerim's heated gaze burning through me. It became harder and harder to ignore her so, at last, I looked at her and said:

"If you have anything to say, then go ahead and say it. You don't need to stare into my soul". 

"I can't believe you didn't call me when everything happened"- she suddenly said.

"Does that make you angry?"

"No. I'm just thinking about how you didn't call anyone. Sooyoung texted me about how they found you. What were you going to do if Jungeun and Jiwoo didn't accidentally run into you? Just sit there forever?"- I got confused because this wasn't the reaction I expected her to have. In fact, I didn't think that she would pay attention to the fact that I didn't call anyone at all. 

"Why do you care so much about me not calling anyone, Yerim? Does it really matter that much?"

"Yes, it does, Hyejoo. It matters because you tried to do the same thing you did back when you broke up with Seunghee, and that worries me a lot. Even then, you tried to hide your feelings from everyone else in order to avoid getting help. You only ended up with Sooyoung that night because she realized something was off and started looking for you"- as she kept talking, her voice was getting tenser- "honestly, Hyejoo, what pisses me off is that no matter what happens, you try to hide it from everyone for as long as possible. We're close friends, and yet I found out about your breakup after almost a day, and during the time everything went down, you didn't even bother to contact me. I'm not trying to force you to tell me everything, I'm just trying to force you to open up to me, or Sooyoung, or anyone else for that matter, because I can't bear the thought of you fighting your own sadness alone, beating away everyone who tries to help".

I was lost for words. I just sat there with my eyes wide open, not knowing how to respond without making this situation worse. She was right, I was indeed trying to hide my feelings from everyone else. It's a tendency that I can't get rid of, and it's been this way forever. 

"Hyejoo"- she suddenly spoke as she stood up and got closer to me- "What did you expect me to say when I found out about everything?"

"I expected you to say that you told me so. That you warned me against all of this and I just didn't listen. I realize now that you're not like that. I've always known that, actually. I just wasn't thinking clearly and didn't want to hear an "I told you so" coming out of anyone's mouth"

"Well, I guess I can understand why you thought so, but, please, don't try to avoid me or anyone else when you're hurt. We're here to help you, Hyejoo, we want the best for you"- she said and slightly smiled. 

"What if I don't deserve help?"- I said looking up at her- "I'm a liar and a heartbreaker. I hurt someone I deeply care about only because I'm a coward. I don't deserve this much support, or this much love, from anyone"- I said and could feel my eyes getting watery again but, at this point, I didn't care. 

"Remember what Hyunjin said. Just because you made a mistake, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person. You might be in the wrong right now, but that doesn't change the fact that your friends will always be behind your back. Also, don't be shy and just tell me when you need a shoulder to cry on"- she said this and sat down beside me, dragging me into a hug and placing my head on her shoulder. 

I really did need someone to cry on, and so I did. 

                                                                                               ***