Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

29 August, 1997 - Brave (III)

Lavinia didn't talk to Remus for the next several days and even her interactions with Jasmine felt... off. Icy wasn't the right word for what her daughter was, because Lavinia genuinely didn't think Jasmine was really capable of anything even approaching icy but... but they also didn't bring up that conversation. They didn't reconcile. And they didn't apologise, though Lavinia at least was tempted to do so many times. She kept stopping herself halfway though, kept wondering and hesitating and she hated it. She hated that she was always always the coward. Always the last one to face the hard truths. Always the first to run.

And she knew, deep down, in a place she didn't particularly want to go, that Jasmine and Remus were right. Nothing would change if they ran from this. Nothing would change if they just hunkered down. Because this wasn't the kind of thing that went away. This wasn't the kind of thing they - or she - could outlast.

Knowing it, of course, didn't do anything to make the reality of that easier to bear. Because truthfully, Lavinia didn't want to fight this. She didn't want to put her own and others' lives on the line. She didn't want to see just how much worse this tragedy could really get. Because fighting would make it worse, of that much Lavinia was absolutely certain. And in the end, yes, it might make a dent or even - however unlikely the possibility seemed - end the Dark Lord's reign, but before it did that, it would cost lives. Many lives. And Lavinia was exactly selfish enough not to want to risk it. Because she had lost lives before. Too many of them. And she didn't want to do it again. Didn't want to hurt like that again. They'd been lucky thus far to have lost as few people as they had and Lavinia wasn't foolish enough to forget that. And she wasn't brave enough to push it either.

But maybe she needed to be. Or rather, maybe someone needed to be. And Lavinia honestly wasn't sure whether that person could - or should, for that matter - be her. But it could be someone. And she had no right to hold anything against the people who believed it could be them.

Which was why Lavinia eventually did apologize to Jasmine. Not for her fear and not for her worries, but for the way they'd come out. For trying to tell her daughter what she could and couldn't do. For giving up.

But even with this concession, Lavinia couldn't help but add, "This doesn't mean the conversation about you going back to school is over, Jas." And she meant it. Because her apology didn't mean she didn't still fear for Jasmine's safety. And it didn't mean she was going to let her run headfirst into what was bound to be a dangerous situation without making sure she understood exactly what it would mean if she went through with this.

Jasmine, however, either didn't realize that this was Lavinia's motive, or else, simply didn't appreciate the concern because those words were all it took for the girl's somber expression to evaporate into something sharp and annoyed. "Weren't you just apologizing for telling me what I can and can't do with my life?" she demanded hotly, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently on the hardwood floor.

Lavinia huffed, glancing away. "Yes. But that doesn't mean we won't have a discussion about this. You going back to Hogwarts isn't a decision that only affects you" she pointed out. "You'll have to be careful. You'll have to be safe. Not just for yourself but because the school will likely be crawling with Death Eaters who would love to get leverage on anyone associated with Harry Potter."

This was, of course, more than likely, Lavinia knew, but she didn't suppose it mattered much right now. Truthfully, she was shocked new staffing announcements hadn't already been made. Thanks to the ridiculous acts passed a few years prior by Fudge's Ministry, the now Death Eater controlled administration had the power to appoint headmasters, teachers and, should they deem that insufficient, the post of High Inquisitor, once filled by Dolores Umbridge, had never officially been stricken from the laws. They had plenty of ways to fill the school with Death Eaters without even breaking the law. Not that it mattered really, since the people enforcing the law were on their side anyway.