Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

11 July, 1995 - Change (III)

Sirius and Lavinia's parting that night was rather awkward as they stood on the landing in front of the door to Sirius's childhood bedroom, and Lavinia didn't miss the way Sirius's eyes lingered on her until his door was shut, looking sad and a bit lost. He had been looking at her like that a lot since he'd appeared in the middle of the night a little more than a week ago.

Truth be told, she didn't like it at all. It wasn't just that she didn't like to see him sad. It was also that he looked almost like he was wishing for something. Almost like he was wishing for her. And that hurt. Because she knew she wasn't the same as she had been fourteen years ago, but... but she was still her, right? And shouldn't that have been enough?

Lavinia sighed and turned away from Sirius's now closed door. She might not like it when he looked at her that way, but she also had no idea how to tell him to stop it without being rude. So she didn't say anything that night. Or the night after that. Or the one after that.

For the most part, she put it out of her mind. This wasn't always easy, if she was honest because with no one else in the house, the distractions were minimal and when she caught him watching her as she made breakfast or when she headed up to bed, her chest seized and it took a very long time for the ache to ebb. It was worst, perhaps, when they both seemed unable to sleep, kept up by memories and stress and who knew what else and left to wander through the dark halls of the house, almost always ending up in Buckbeak's attic room where there was always at least one other friendly creature and where that little round window provided some small view of the stars.

Sometimes, their meetings up in that room were fine. Just soft, quiet things that were almost like old times. But when they parted, it was always the same. It was always sad and nostalgic and there was always that look in Sirius's eyes that killed her.

And still she said nothing, telling herself it was nothing. It was just being in this house. It was just the other memories. It was just... nothing. But it wasn't nothing. And she was certain she spent too much time dwelling on it, especially as she lay in bed after those awkward goodbyes and tried to tell her aching heart that it didn't matter. That he didn't have to love her anymore. That she needed to just... move on.

Thankfully, during the day, Lavinia still had work, so she spent much of her day as she normally would, which was some small comfort even if it was still odd to see the world working normally when she knew so many things were moving behind the scenes. Then, when she came back to the Black house, a logistical nightmare for those first few days since she hadn't officially been told the address by the secret keeper, she spent the evening attempting to make the house semi-livable. Sirius spent most of his day doing this, but even so, progress was painfully slow.

They started with the kitchen, a less than pleasant endeavor not least because they found the house elf, Kreacher's, hiding place in the form of an old, cobweb infested and slightly moldy cupboard. They'd decided to leave that mostly as it was with the exception of some cleaning charms to get rid of the mold and spiders. But there were also scraps of food in the fridge that Lavinia didn't want to know the age of and multiple infestations of doxies that made those initial cleanings rather annoying and left both Lavinia and Sirius with a few bites each from moments when they weren't quite quick enough with their doxicide.

The good part, really, was that once that room was cleaned, they actually had somewhere decent to cook and eat and no longer had to worry about things like sentient - and probably poisonous - molds. This left Lavinia free to stock the fridge and actually cook a decent meal.

The first time she did this was perhaps the time things felt the most normal in the house. They chatted over their meal and it was light and easy and the words weren't heavy and their meeting eyes weren't sad or regretful. It was like old times and when they bid each other goodnight, Sirius kissed Lavinia on the cheek. She didn't bother going up to the attic that night. In part because her head was less restless than usual and in part because she didn't want to risk ruining a good evening with their inevitably awkward moments.