Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

12 August, 1995 - Back

Remus was exhausted when he came back home after nearly two weeks living in the werewolf slums playing spy. He would happily have just fallen straight into bed, but Lavinia intercepted him, guiding him instead to the dining room table and putting a bowl of stew in front of him without so much as a word. Indeed, her only means of communication was a flick of the brow when he didn't immediately pick up his spoon and start eating.

Remus could only chuckle, grateful, as ever, to be back. Grateful to have her around.

He had missed her. He had missed this. And it was almost strange to him how something that had always seemed so normal could turn into something so precious. And he rather thought Lavinia was thinking the same thing as she sat down opposite him and watched as he ate, her eyes keen on him, their worried gleam giving away more than he thought she probably intended.

Not that Remus had the energy to say much of anything about it. He wasn't actually sure he had the energy to say much of anything at all. Which was why he was grateful as well that Lavinia didn't push, perhaps reading his exhaustion, and instead just took his bowl away when he finished, wrapped him in a brief hug he suspected was as much for her comfort as his, before she gave him a little push towards his bedroom, her face vaguely sad, but determined.

Remus didn't have the energy to question that. And he didn't have the energy to argue either. Indeed, he fell into bed without so much as bothering to change into his pajamas because he simply didn't see the point in bothering with such things right then. He was just... so exhausted.

It was probably a blessing, actually. Because it made his sleep dreamless and sound.

In the morning, Remus woke to the smell of fresh coffee and bacon and breathed a long, deep sigh. Merlin it was good to be home. When he said as much to Lavinia upon entering the kitchen, she just smiled and shook her head slightly, but he could see the genuine relief beneath the teasing expression and it tugged at his chest, because it was proof of what he already knew: that she worried. And that he couldn't stop her from doing so because he couldn't stop doing the things that caused her such concern in the first place.

"How was it?" she asked after a moment, turning off the stove and waving her wand to summon plates.

Remus yawned slightly and shrugged. "The usual," he admitted, now accepting a plate loaded with eggs and bacon from her. And it was true. It had been just like every other time he'd spent in the slums recently. Dirty and miserable and surrounded by people who were bitter and hurting and didn't particularly like him. "Nothing useful to report yet, really," Remus continued as they headed to the dining room table. "And they still don't totally trust me. Though I think being there during the full moon helped make them see me as one of them."

At this, Lavinia made a slight noise in her throat that told Remus everything he needed to know about how little she liked that he had been there for the full moon, but she didn't comment beyond that and Remus was once again grateful. Because this was another thing he couldn't change. Another necessity they both wished didn't exist, but couldn't deny the use of.

"And the transformation?" Lavinia asked after a moment, poking her eggs around her plate and not looking particularly interested in eating them. "It's been a long time since you had a... normal one. Are you... okay?"

Remus looked up at her, at the worried frown creasing her brow and the edge of guilt in her face and did his best approximation of a smile. "It was fine, Vin," he assured her. "I can handle it."

She just pursed her lips and nodded, not looking at all convinced. Which was fair and Remus knew it because the honest answer was that it had been awful for exactly the reason she'd pinpointed. It had been years and years since he'd had an uncontrolled transformation. Thanks to Lavinia, his transformations had always happened with the help of the wolfsbane potion. And he had honestly almost forgotten what it was like to transform without it. To lose all sense of self. To wake up the next morning with a black hole where the night's memories should have been. And it had been exactly as terrifying as it had been in his youth. More so, even, because he had been... alone. Which hadn't been the case since his fifth year in school. Because... because of three people he had been so forcibly reminded of that morning after full moon. People who were almost all... gone.