Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

18 August, 1994 - Old (II)

It was strange to Lavinia how quickly everything in her life went back to normal. Not that it had been abnormal for very long, but it still felt odd that once Sirius had departed... well it was rather like he had never been there at all. Indeed, the only trace of his presence was in her memories, in the dreams her unconscious mind twisted around him. In the way she kept lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling. Thinking. Wishing. And wondering why the bed felt so cold and so empty when she hadn't considered such a thing for years and years. But aside from those late nights... well nothing at all had changed and truth be told, Lavinia couldn't decide whether or not she was grateful for this.

On the one hand, it was a shock to be tossed back into her life like her ex-fiance hadn't just showed up out of the blue and been a million things she wasn't prepared for. It was a shock to see the world go on when her heart was still aching from the time she'd had with him. She felt almost out of place in those first few days, like she was mourning a death no one else had noticed. But then, Lavinia had learned a long time ago that the world didn't stop or start with her heart and just because she was struck dumb... well it didn't mean anyone else was.

On the other hand, however, it was nice that she didn't get to dwell. Because with everyone around her acting normal, it was easy for her to convince herself that everything was normal and nothing in the world had changed. Which made it easier to move on. And Lavinia liked it that way. She remembered how hard moving on had been before and now... now she would take anything she could get that would smooth the way.

One such thing occurred a week or so after Sirius left when Miriam and Kama returned from their holiday in France. Hardly three days after their return, the whole friend group got together again and the laughter and teasing and food was as good as it had always been. And no one asked questions of her or looked at her funny because no one knew the utter upheaval that had so recently happened in her life. And she went right along with it, grateful for the distraction, grateful for the reminder that unlike the last time Sirius had left, this time he hadn't left her with scraps and ashes. She had a life. She had friends. And they were good ones at that.

So though her time with Sirius had been a bittersweet freefall into what she'd had before, she was reminded, surrounded by her friends now, that the past was just that: the past. And she didn't need to dwell on it. She didn't need to relive it. She could just file these new memories away with the old ones, not to be forgotten, but also not to be obsessed over because looking back too much meant not watching where you were going. And as strange and lovely as it had been to remember what she'd had years ago, what the best parts of the past had been... she didn't need that anymore because she had her present and her future and they were both plenty bright.

This last assertion was somewhat cast into doubt, however, in mid August on a morning that was otherwise perfectly normal. Granted, Lavinia was completely exhausted, but that had less to do with anything abnormal about the day itself and more to do with the fact that Elias had taken half the week off because of Quidditch, which he apparently followed for all that he'd never mentioned it before. Of course, Lavinia had been surprised plenty of times before by Elias's hobbies because he simply didn't mention much of anything in the first place. This would have been no issue at all except that Heather couldn't take the night shift while Jasmine was home for the summer.

So Lavinia had volunteered to do it and was now suffering the consequences. Not that she minded much really. She could stomach being rather tired for a week if it meant her friends and coworkers got the time they needed for their lives. And indeed, a slightly odd but good side effect of the situation was that Lavinia had her morning and the early afternoon at home, which gave her a bit more time to enjoy the summer sun and Remus's company.

Aside from these small positives, however, at the end of the day, the entire thing meant Lavinia was tired, most especially because she had discovered that no matter when she went to bed, she seemed to be unable to wake up much later than usual and as a result was getting less sleep instead of just shifting her sleeping hours as she supposed Elias probably did.