Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

21 July, 1995 - Processing

With Remus in the house, the last two days before the Weasleys' arrival seemed to fly by in a blur of almost normal. If Lavinia was honest, she spent the first of those two days rather on edge because the evening when Remus had returned had been so very like old times. Which she wasn't complaining about in the slightest, but she still found herself rather afraid that Sirius would forget what he had decided. Forget that just because it felt like old times didn't mean it was.

Because it wasn't.

True, the three of them were together again and true, some things were the same. They laughed like they always had. They teased each other like they always had. But it was different. They were different. And the missing pieces, the missing people... they were never coming back.

But by the second day, Lavinia rather thought Sirius knew that, if only because he was giving her that look again. The one that annoyed her slightly. The one that told her he was missing who she had been instead of caring about who she was now. The one that said he was not moving on. He was dwelling. He was hurting.

Which was why Lavinia found herself looking for him that Friday night, half wishing she could just go back to bed while the other half tried to convince her that she didn't actually need to say anything at all. Because she didn't want to have to say anything. And she didn't want to be wrong. What if this was him processing? What if he needed to let himself hurt before he could start healing? Merlin knew she had done plenty of hurting before she had even thought to heal, but... but she hated that look. Not because it was direct at her, necessarily, but because it pulled at something deep in her core to know that he was living in a past that was gone. And she had spent too long doing just that as well. And Merlin it had hurt.

So Lavinia kept looking. And she was glad she did because when she finally found him, sitting up in the attic with Buckbeak, it became abundantly clear that she did indeed need to say something. Whether that something was a reminder of the choice he had made or some small comfort for the pain she knew he was in, she wasn't sure yet. But she needed to say something.

Not that Sirius apparently wanted her to, judging by the glare he leveled at her as she entered that told Lavinia just how much he was hurting. And just how much she needed to be here.

Indeed, the first words out of Sirius's mouth when she walked in were: "I'm surprised you're not staying down with Remus."

Lavinia blinked, admittedly slightly taken aback by the almost accusatory tone in Sirius's voice. Which was why she didn't answer immediately. She didn't know how to. She just stood there, standing in the doorway and trying to figure out why the hell he would sound so... jealous.

"Sirius," she murmured after a moment, fighting to keep something like resignation from her tone. Judging by the look Sirius shot her, she wasn't sure she was entirely successful.

"Just go, Vin," he snapped.

Lavinia pursed her lips, trying not to be as offended by that as she was. Which was easier than she had thought because the anger in those words... it didn't convince her at all. All it did was remind her of all the time she too had used her rage as a shield. All the times angry had been easier. All the time that rage had really meant she was collapsing inside and didn't know how to stop it.

Which of course meant that if there was anything Sirius could possibly have said that was guaranteed to make her stay, it was that. Because she had pushed the world away so often when she had hurt worst. And she wasn't going to let him do the same thing. So she wasn't going anywhere. But that didn't stop the little ache that bloomed in her chest at the words.

She sighed, shoving the hurt deep down so it wouldn't come out in her words or her face because she was certain that wouldn't help either of them. Then, bracing herself, she took a few steps forward, electing to ignore the glare Sirius pinned her with the whole way until she was standing in front of him.