Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

5 September, 1997 - Forgiveness (III)

It was raining and the house was empty when Remus knocked on Lavinia's front door. For this last, she was grateful. The weather could have been doing whatever it pleased, of course, but that Heather was out... well. That was good. Because though Lavinia hadn't expected her friend to come here, once she saw him, she most certainly expected this to become a somewhat unpleasant visit and not one she wanted either Heather or Jasmine to be privy too.

Not that Jasmine's absence was due to anything like luck, of course. After a few heated arguments with her sister and a lot of huffing and worrying and stubbornness, Jasmine had returned to Hogwarts. And though the letter the girl had sent home only a few days into term had been very carefully worded indeed, Lavinia had been plenty able to determine that her predictions had been right. Not only was Severus the headmaster - a development that had admittedly not worried Lavinia as much as it seemed to have worried everyone else when the news broke in The Prophet, but he had also added the Carrows to the staff and from the sound of it, they had near free reign over any and all punishment in the castle. Lavinia had responded to the letter by telling her daughter that she loved her and to please please be good and prayed that Jasmine read the subtext to be careful.

And Merlin she hoped the girl listened.

In the meantime, the house was, of course, a quieter, darker place without Jasmine's presence but Lavinia and Heather did their best to fill those times when quiet stretched into something that threatened to ache. And when one of them was at work and there was no one else to hold the darkness at bay, they buried themselves in books and tried not to hurt too much.

Now was one of those times and the knock on the door startled Lavinia. People didn't knock on doors these days. People didn't really visit at all these days, of course, and the only common guests - if they could be called that - were Death Eaters who didn't much bother with knocking. Which was perhaps why Lavinia rose slowly, putting her hand in the pocket that held her wand and trying to convince herself that there was nothing to worry about. Nothing to fear. Even if she knew there was. Because these days, there always was.

But when she peered through the side window to the front port, she found none other than Remus, looking dirty and worn and tired and... and old. So old. Which was perhaps why she opened the door wide before she remembered that she was angry with him. Before she remembered what he had done and that he should be at home, not here.

And by the time she did remember, she was looking him in the face and her chest was constricting and she wanted to scream at him that how could he. She wanted to shout that he was a coward to run from a good life. She wanted to yell that she understood. But he still should have stayed.

Instead, all that came out was, "Why are you here?"

Remus blinked. "I... I can't just visit a friend?" he asked, but the words were hesitant enough that Lavinia suspected he knew perfectly well what her answer to that would be.

So she simply raised her brows in disbelief.. "You left," she pointed out flatly, her tone perhaps a shade harsher than it should have been.

"I went to find Harry," Remus argued, tipping his head in something like a challenge even as his voice hardened slightly, the only hint that he had read into that ragin something Lavinia couldn't quite keep from her face.

And yet at the sound of those words, the anger quieted abruptly, replaced by something all too hopeful that she had to purse her lips to keep in. "This isn't a conversation to have over a threshold," she told her friend softly, pushing the door wide and stepping back to let him in and electing to ignore the quiet war going on inside herself.

Part of her, really, wanted to just send him away. Tell him to go home. To talk to his wife and beg for her forgiveness but... but the way he said those words...