Glass & Roses (BBC Ghosts)

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S2E3: Redding Weddy

"And seeing, as no one else has volunteered, I thought that this evening, before Film Club, I would give you all a little talk on... activity badges!" Pat told the ghosts. "So-"

"There are 37 badges that you can collect. Badge number one, bivouacking!" They all interrupted him.

"Alright. Clever dicks!" He adjusted his glasses. "But I'm sorry, I mean, if anyone else has anything new that they'd like to..."

"Ohh, ooh! I could do my talk on how to skin a mammoth." Robin suggested, getting to his feet. "You start at the end-"

"That's not new!" Julian complained.

"That's not strictly new, is it?" Pat told him. They talked over each other for a moment before Mary gingerly raised a hand.

"I'm ready to talk about the witch trial." They all fell silent and looked at her. "Witch trial... if... if it be of interest."

"Oh! Oh, Mary! I mean... if you're sure. I mean, if you feel like you're ready." Pat told her.

"Well, I knows it's taken me a whiles to- to talk."

"Only about 300 years." Julian commented, getting whacked on the head by Lucille. "OW!"

"Be nice asshat."

"But, yeah, I- I think I'm ready." Mary concluded.

"Brillo pads." Pat told her, stepping forward to her. "You okay?" She nods. "Can't flipping wait! And we'll do that before Film Club."

"Before. Okay." Mary nodded.

"So, Film Club! Now, I know it's not my turn to choose, but I would like to lobby hard... for Top Gun." Pat said.

"Not again!" Robin complained.

"I don't know about you, Mary, but... er... I quite like the look of, er... ooh, Chariots Of Fire?" Julian suggested, cleverly watching Mary's reaction. "No. Actually, er, how about... Mississippi Burning? Towering Inferno?"

"Hmm!" Mary looked at him with a slight smile.

"Maybe she is ready." Pat said.

"That could be the case." Julian agreed.

"Anyway, it's my turn to choose this week, so tish-tish-tish." Thomas stood, trying to look at the DVDs.

"I don't think so, mate! It's mine." Julian told him.

"Faradiddle, sir! You had your turn two weeks ago. You swapped with me."

"No, no. I don't recall to that. Even if I did, it would have been a verbal, non-binding agreement."

"This is why we have the schedule." Lucille sighed, placing her head in her hands.

"You show me your thumb, sir?" Thomas made a smacking motion. "I would show you my glove, sir! If I had one."

"I would give you a bunch of fives, mate." Julian showed his fists. "I used to box for Cambridge, y'know! Go! Let's go, pal!"

"Guys, guys, guys!" Pat interrupted. "S'il vous plait! French."

"Ooh." Robin grinned at it.

"Why don't we put it to the vote?" He suggested.

"Oh, yeah, put it to the people. Like they know what they're doing!" Julian scoffed. 

"Hands up, who thinks it's Thomas' turn?" Pat, Thomas, Lucille, Robin and Mary all raised their hands.

"I've got my hand up. Probably. Somewhere." Humphrey announced.