Serendipity (Dauntless Series #3)

Chapter 30

Manilka and I stared at each other for a long moment until I decided to tear my gaze apart. They contemplated for a moment whether to sit with me or just leave me behind. They did the former. Akala ko makakahinga na ako nang maluwag kahit papaano ngunit hindi ko pa rin magawang mag-angat ng tingin kahit ilang minuto lang. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now.

The waiter approached us to get our orders. They let me order first and when it's their turn, I just sat there in awe while listening to them speak in French. 

"Am I not what you expected?"

Napalunok ako. Their tone is serious but I don't hear a hint of anger in it. Maybe it's time for me to loosen myself and just enjoy this date, just like what Brianna wanted me to do.

"Not really..." I chuckled. "I was just surprised to see you... after all these years."

"If I knew that I am meeting with a supermodel then I would've dressed more fancy."

"I'm not there yet." sabi ko. Manilka bore their eyes on me. I tried meeting their gaze but I just couldn't. Pakiramdam ko mapapaso ako. Laking pasasalamat ko nang matigil ang aming usapan nang dumating na ang mga inorder naming pagkain. 

"Merci." 

I badly want to talk to them. I really do, but I'm afraid that I might say the wrong words thus ruining this date. They must know that I am not the same Guinevere who likes to run away when the problem gets too complicated because this time, I am willing to fight. I am done being selfless. And if they still want this relationship to give another chance, I want to know now. Because honestly, now that I saw them again, my heart reminded me of how I fell in love with them. The feeling is still fresh. Like time didn't pass and I just fell into a deep sleep for the past 3 years.

Sinubukan kong ibuka ang aking bibig ngunit agad din iyong tinikom. I pressed my lips together when they caught me looking at them. 

"Is there something you want to tell me?" they raised their eyebrows.

I cleared my throat. I changed my mind. I am a risk taker, and no matter what comes next, I wouldn't regret it because it's better to try than to do nothing. Kung hindi man siya pumayag sa sasabihin ko, ayos lang. Makakatulong din iyon para makamove-on na ako. 

"I love you, Manilka."

Nagulat siya. Ako rin. That wasn't what I intended to say! Siguro bigla na lamang iyong nadulas sa aking dila dahil sa sobrang kaba. Sarili ko lang naman ang nagpapahiya sa akin. Napapikit ako ng mariin.

"You what?" 

I know they heard me, they just want it to confirm themself. I started fidgeting. E kung umalis na lang kaya ako?

"Why now?" They said, almost whispering it to themself. Napalunok ako. Hindi na ba talaga pwede? May girlfriend na ba siya? Pero kung meron, bakit pa siya pupunta rito? Dahil lang ba sa utang niya kay Brianna? O sadyang mabait lang siyang tao at hindi niya kayang mang-iwan sa ere tulad ng ginawa ko sa kaniya?

"I'm sorry. It slipped my tongue. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

Umiling si Manilka. "No, I wasn't afraid because of it. Alam mo naman kung ano ang nangyari sa ating dalawa noon, 'di ba? You left me behind. You thought I couldn't handle your drama so you decided to shut me out."

"Alam ko..."

"It's not easy to jump into a situation just because we feel like it. We shouldn't rush things."

Nagkatinginan kami. I wanted to hold their hand. My gaze landed on their long veiny hand that's resting on top of the table. The next thing I knew, my hand is snaking to theirs. Manilka gasped but they didn't yank their hand away from me. Instead, they just let me.