Pretty Poison

Fifteen

I pace the floor, walking back and forth pinching the bridge of my nose. The world is quiet but my thoughts are so loud. They shout at me to turn myself in, guilt weighing down on my shoulder. The other side tells me to stop worrying, for I did nothing wrong. I would give anything to stop this never ending guilt, but it swallows me whole like quicksand.

Out of energy, and at a loss of thought, I throw myself on the dirty couch, a defeated sigh escaping me as I look out the window. I stay here for a moment, then the sudden desire for fresh air takes over me. I walk gently over the books to the balcony, stepping outside to breathe and think clearly.

The sun just peaks over the rooftops, the sky over the ocean a fiery red. My eyes trail up, the colors changing to a soft pink, lilac purple, then blue...indigo blue.

Go to him.

It repeats over and over again in my mind, my voice morphing to his, his high tone telling me over and over again to come, like a call that cannot be ignored.

I close my eyes in an attempt to silence the voice. But it does nothing, it grows more and more incessant. Louder and louder it speaks to me to go back to him, to the one that haunts me every waking moment.

Go to him, tell him what you've done.

The sun falls behind the roof, leaving the world in a tranquil darkness. The stars from behind the clouds glint, eyes blinking in the peaceful night.

Go to him.

Instantly, I rush back inside and to the working telephone that rests on the kitchen table. I dial numbers quickly on the old spinner, the chord caught on the corner of the table as I walk away with the phone pressed to my ear.

"Hi, can I get a cab please?...yes, uh just me, yes, to the apartment complex on the corner of Rio Terà. Sì, that's it. Thank you. Arrivederci."

I place the phone back on the holder, taking in a deep breath. I rushed to my clothset, pulling out the bag I had used to escape from that place, never did I expect I would be using it to go back. I reach for two shirts and two old jeans, stuffing them in the bag. I close it after placing all my garments inside.

I rush to the door, turning back only for a moment to look at the still apartment, the books on the floor untouched and the sheets on the bed undisturbed. My eyes connect with one title, and I rapidly gesture to pick it up, running my thumb over it slowly then placing it into my bag.

The clock reads nine, and at that I leave, key in hand and lock the door behind me. I let out one more sigh, and made my way down the hall to the exit of the building. I walk down the length of the path to the street where I'm met with a yellow cab waiting for me.

"Where to?"

"Levada, please."

The driver nods and starts the car, and I sit back in the worn seat, placing my bag beside me. I look in my cash bag, two-hundred euro inside. The car lurches forward, and drives off into the road.

Few cars follow as the cab reaches Via Della, the main road to mainland Italy. I watch the stars above stay in place as I move closer and closer to my destination, few clouds masking the beauty above. I crack the window just a bit, letting the outside air in as my hair flows effortlessly in the wind.

"Levada is quite far, what is there for you?"

"Someone who I've been away from for far too long," I smile, and my insides change to a strange feeling. It feels as if butterflies flutter within me, never landing. The excitement is enticing, but the angst is apparent.

I see the driver smile in the rear view mirror, training his eyes back on the road.

***

Fifty minutes passed on a mix of happiness and unease, my emotions riding up and down like a rollercoaster. The cab parked down the street from the mansion, my heartbeat beginning to quicken hastily.

"This is it, miss," the driver says. I pay him and slowly get out of the cab and watch as it drives away leaving me in the darkness.

Part of me realizes that I got into the cab with a man, and he drove off unharmed, but I shake that away, my mind unable to handle anymore thinking than it already has.

I begin to walk, my weak legs shaking under me. Lush green bushes and trees appear black under the moonless night, but the stars act like flashlights, just as they had the night I left this place. The street becomes illuminated by the gate lights of the mansion as I approach, and as I get there I let out a gasp, my eyes taking in the mansion once again.

Everything was just as I had left it, the only difference being that no guards stood outside and the gate was open, something that never happened. I stand petrified as I take in the beauty of the mansion at night. The lights glow a bright gold. The house is silent, as if it were abandoned, and for a moment I thought it was, and that I had wasted my time because I chose to believe that clerk that they were still here, that he was still there.

I move forward, stepping through the opened gate onto the property. I jaunt slowly, aware and alert of every movement I make. I stride up the steps moments later, the stone cracked from years of settling. I pause for a moment, holding in a breath.

I contemplate knocking, whether or not I should really be here, whether or not I should be allowed here.

You are below him.

Sergio's tone rings in my mind like a demon.

I shake his voice away, and place my hand on the brass doorknob. Out of curiosity I pull down, and the door opens. I exclaim lightly in shock and frantically look around me, and in that moment I step inside the house.