Autism Awareness: How I Overcame Domestic Abuse, Sexual Assault & Drug Addiction

Part 2: Domestic Violence

After been kicked out of high school and only getting some basic GCSE's I didn't know what I wanted to do at college. So I decided to take after my mum and give childcare a go.

Deep down I knew this was a mistake but I had no goals and no ambitions. My life was ruined. I'd made choices that had fucked life up for me. I was just a "misbehaved child". That's what I believed. I'd always tried my best but I ended up in the wrong.

So day one of college. I was in the "slow" classes. Everybody in their had failed something through high school. We wasn't the smart class. We were the lowest of the low.

After the summer holidays I'd forgotten how loud and disruptive a bottom set classroom could be. It wasn't scary, it wasn't like high school. It was different but not in a good way. Their wasn't anybody who wanted to be "top dog", their wasn't any "road men", I was the only one in a track suit. I felt like the "bad kid" in their. I wasn't sat upright like everybody else. I was slouched comfortable in my chair, I was comfortable. This was the biggest mistake of my life because I caught the eye of this attractive young woman. I didn't know at the time but she would become the reason why I cry myself to sleep every night.

So the first activity we had to do as a class was to find things we had in common with each other. We had a sheet of paper with different categories on. It was a very clever way to get the class to know each other. So I got to know everybody. I felt like an outcast (especially after the summer I'd just had).

So break time came along and we all got chatting and become "friends". They weren't real friendships, at the time I thought they were but I was wrong, people are only your friend until their done with you, and that's a harsh fact, not many people these days are genuine.

So their was this one lad who had an autistic diagnosis. He told everybody as if it was some kind of medal. At the time I thought how sad, but thinking back I knew how much support he had at a young age, I was envious of him. I was envious of the fact that he got the support that I have now when I needed it the most.

So this guy was called Ryan. I think we connected because we both struggled the same, I just adapted to it where as he got support for it.

So he comes over to me at lunch and tells me he likes this girl and wants to ask her out. So I'm game. I'm always up for helping people I call "friends". So we're walking through town, he's on one side of me and she's on the other. The signs she was into me are blatantly obvious but back then I was clueless, I was pretty much brain dead for not noticing it.

So the entire time I'm talking to her about him she's just changing the story to ask about me. I despise eye contact but that's all she was trying to make with me, I just avoided it. So eventually she decides to talk to him. Maybe that's because she wasn't getting anywhere with me? Back then I was shy and fridgid.

So their talking and he's smiling and loving it, she's just looking at me and talking back as if she hears him but isn't paying attention. Yet again, I saw this but I was clueless to it, I should of seen the signs but I didn't.

So Ryan comes up to me and tells me he wants to buy her a gift but he didn't have the money, so me being the stupid person I was helped him out with that. We went into WHSmith and I taught him how to shoplift. I regret teaching him this everyday. I corrupted him just like an old friend corrupted me, I was a monster. After I taught him how to get away with taking a few goodies here and their he abused it, he got caught and blamed it on me to his parents. After college I didn't speak to him again. But too this day I regret accidentally pulling him astray.

So we had this box of chocolates and he handed them to this girl. She didn't look impressed. She knew it wasn't him that got them. It didn't impress her how he wanted too but he was blinded to the fact that she wasn't interested.