Autism Awareness: How I Overcame Domestic Abuse, Sexual Assault & Drug Addiction

Part 3: Sexual Assault

The next day I received a call from my grandma. Which was very odd to me because it's usually my granddad that rings me. So I answered and she was in floods of tears. She told me that my auntie had told her what she saw last night. She begged me to leave. I was broken, hearing my grandma cry like that hurt me more than I ever thought possible. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do.

I wish I'd of cut ties with this girl after my grandma broke, but I didn't. The summer holidays had finally arrived. This was quite possibly the worst summer of my life. She had gotten pregnant. We used condoms the first couple of times we did anything but then when we did it in the bath it was practical so we just stopped using them.

So she told me she was pregnant and that she'd taken a test, she showed me the stick. Positive. I was blown away, I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad. I was emotionless. Only a few days prior had I heard my grandma break down had I got this news that was supposed to be amazing, it just had me empty. She knew I wasn't hyped, how could I be? We'd had a pregnancy scare before, she'd told our college tutor and she took us to a sex clinic and they made me put condoms on a banana, I was scared then, but now I was emotionless. I didn't know what to do. She was overwhelmed because she'd wanted a child for so long. Then it hit me, I was being used for what I could give her. But I didn't care, I do know but I didn't then.

Days went by and then she bled, she lost our baby. I was kind of glad about it. I know that sounds bad but in my eyes if she can beat me then what could she do to our child?

After she lost the baby the beatings got worse. Her attitude and behaviour towards me changed. Her feelings changed.

She had this "friend". He was a cop from down south. I didn't think nothing of it at first, my trust hadn't been ripped apart back then. Days went by and eventually she spoke to him more than me, and yet I still thought nothing of it. She eventually asked me if I wanted her to block him. I told her I didn't because I wasn't a dick. So she kept him on her socials. Things eventually got worse between us.

One night we was laid in bed and she was on the phone to him and I was just laid their in silence. I turned to her and said that she'd had me their for the past two days and had barely spent any time with me. She said "I'll ring you back in five minutes gorgeous" then she hung up the phone. She then turned round and whipped my dick out. Sat on it and pinned my hands down. I froze. I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to do. I just laid their while this girl I was in love with assaulted me. I couldn't do a thing. After she was done she got off, told me she loved me, rang him back and said "Hi gorgeous" and then left the room. In that moment my heart had been ripped out, torn into thousands of tiny pieces and set on fire. I had never felt so worthless...

I was hurting I didn't know what to do. Next thing I know I took the scissors out of her draw and started attacking my wrists. I don't know why I did it, it didn't take the pain away it just made me feel worse. That night I tried to overdose but her older brother stopped me. He didn't know what she did to me, he doesn't even know she beat me, he just saw the scars and the bruises and assumed I was in several fights.

That night everything she did to me flew across my mind, it was like I was watching a movie. It broke me, I'd never felt as low as I did. I thought to myself did she set me up to get jumped?

Their was a few lads that lived on her estate who made high school a misery for me. Her best friend knew those lads. So he arranged for us to talk it out. We did, that night as I walked to the bus stop to go home with her older brother, seven of them jumped me. Her brother had a knife on him, in that moment I would of done anything to protect myself. But he did nothing.

So did she know?

So that night we argued about how much time she spent talking to him instead of me. I then got my dad to pick me up and cried myself to sleep. Not because she'd violently abused me but because she'd broken up with me, told me she loved me and then kissed me before I left.

The next day I wanted to win her back. Why did I want this? I was in love, I believed what happened to me was done out of love, I knew no different.

So I borrowed some money from my dad, bought her some expensive chocolates and her favourite flowers. I then got the bus up to hers. She came out to see me while still on the phone to this guy. She then quizzed us both on everything about her, I knew her inside and out and he knew fuck all. She then took the flowers told me she didn't love me anymore and then went back inside.

She'd taken a young innocent boy and made him into a depressed young adult. I spent just over a year a month with this girl. I gave her everything. When I went on holiday I bought her some expensive lingerie, ye she sent me a google earth photo of where I was but she was my everything. I'd lost myself. I didn't know what to did. My life just got worse from their.