I don't really remember what this doctors appointment was for. However I do remember this one particular question. I was asked why I smoke as much weed as I do. So to this complete stranger that I didn't feel comfortable talking too I opened up about everything. The beatings, the sexually assault, the cheating everything. In my eyes it was easier telling some complete stranger who's job it was to help me than to tell my mum who I trusted completely.
Then all of a sudden after I've told my story I hear someone crying, I turned around and I saw my mum in floods of tears. I wanted to break down their and then. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. The one person I didn't want to know found out. I didn't want to tell her because I didn't want her to know that her little boy had experienced the things he had. I couldn't put that onto her. To this day she still doesn't know that it effects me as much as it does. I can't open up to her. I don't want to break my mums heart by telling her that I'm not ok, I can't look my mum in the eye and tell her that my life isn't worth living. I'm a rape survivor but at what cost? I have nothing left.
When we left the doctors we got in the car, I didn't know what to say so I just asked her if she was ok, she just responded with "she fucking raped you". I don't remember anything from the car journey home and to me it's a good thing that I forgot the rest of that conversation, I don't want to see my mums tear filled eyes anymore because I don't know how much more I can take.
When we got home I was made to tell my dad, I don't remember what he said but I didn't feel comforted by his response either. I don't think they actually took into consideration how I felt about what had happened. I don't think they wanted to accept that this had happened to me. I'm sure they just blocked it out. I think they just want to make sure that I'm ok without hurting themselves or me in the process. But I never had that conversation, I never got closure after what happened.
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Autism Awareness: How I Overcame Domestic Abuse, Sexual Assault & Drug Addiction
Non-FictionA true story about how I overcome sexual assault, domestic violence, drug addiction and more. This story shows the harsh reality of getting into horrific situations as an adult with a hidden disability. The world is a cruel place and when someone sp...
