Valhalla High (A Magnus Chase Fanfic)

We All Love Taxes

April 13

Isn't there nothing better than spending a Saturday crunching over numbers and looking up a bajillion terms in the IRS website? Apparently, my father thought so because he decided that I should go over his taxes with him. So while Alex was hanging out with her grandfather (probably making pots and trading cool stories), I was trying to tell the difference between a W-2 and income from stocks. "Why do you have to report the income differently?" I asked. "Why can't you just lump it all in one category?"

      "Capital gains are taxed at a lower rate," my father replied.

      "So that's how Jeff Bezos gets away without paying taxes," I replied.

    My father shook his head. "No. There are other loopholes too that people exploit when they don't feel like coughing up money."

     Of course, they had to cough up some money to avoid coughing up more money. It was funny how those things work. "So why do I have to help you with your taxes again?" I asked.

     My father owned a business, so his taxes were more complicated than the usual person's. If I had to be doing someone's taxes, couldn't I do my mother's? I'm sure they were a lot more straightforward. "You'll be going to college next year," my father answered, "which means you'll have to start paying taxes."

     "Say what?" I replied. "How does being a college student entail paying taxes? Isn't that only if I get a job?"

     "Scholarships," my father answered. "Some of them are taxable."

    Great, I thought, just great. The federal government was okay letting huge, multinational companies off the line, but college students had to pay taxes? "I'll help you with your tax return next year," my father promised, "but I thought some prior exposure would help."

We took a break from taxes to eat lunch. We returned to the taxes in the afternoon and my gaze kept drifting to the single antler my father had up on the living room wall. It was more interesting than business income. My father noticed my wandering eye. "Do you want to hear the story behind that antler?" he asked.

    "Sure," I said.

     My father shut his laptop and swiveled his chair to face me. I realized then just how alike me were in some ways. We had the same nose and dorky smile. "When I fell in love with Gerd a few years ago, I transferred Jack to another store," he began.

     I'd heard this story before from Jack's point of view. "Why did you do that?" I asked.

     My father blushed. "I — uh, well I was in a fit of love," he said. "I met Gerd when I was popping in at all the stores in town. I do that a few times a year to see how things are coming along. I met Gerd and I was smitten. I grew distracted and I couldn't think of anything else. I would be stocking rolls of toilet paper and thinking of her. I'd be ordering cans of soup and my thoughts would drift to her."

         Wow. My dad sounded like he'd had it pretty bad. I hoped hopeless crushes were not genetically transmitted or I was toast. "Skirnir, the second in charge at our business, noticed things were up," my father continued. "He confronted me and I confessed everything. He was determined to find a solution, so he went to Gerd and offered her a pay raise if she'd transfer to my store. She was initially resistant, but she finally agreed — I don't know all the details."

      "So you traded Jack for Gerd?" I asked.

      My father sighed. "That was a mistake, but he was the easiest to transfer because he and Gerd held the same position. If I had known it would upset him so much, I would have just hired someone else at the other location and Gerd could have worked there until we found someone, but I was desperate and in love. Gerd started her first day nine days after her conversation with Skirnir. To me it felt like nine months."

His gaze was dreamy like sun sparkling through a misty lake. At that point, Gerd came in. "Frey, Skirnir is calling you."

She handed him his phone, which he must have left somewhere. He had a habit of misplacing things. Frey picked up the phone and thanked Gerd. "Sorry, Magnus, this call is urgent. I'll be back soon."

"Take as long as you need!" I said, meaning it.

Gerd smiled ruefully at me as my father left the room. "What have you two been doing?"

"Taxes," I said.

She rolled her eyes. "I think I'm going to have to tell Frey to spend his time with his son better."

I laughed. It was kinda awkward being with my dad's wife, but she was nice enough. "I've been telling Frey for years just to pay someone else to do his taxes," she said, "but he insists on doing them himself. Business income is complicated; your taxes should be much easier unless you start a business or invest in stocks."

"I don't think I have the head for either," I said.

       Gerd laughed. "You're a lot like your father. Frey doesn't either, but he seems to be lucky with all things money."

     Considering the only business enterprise I'd undertaken was a lemonade stand when I was nine, and it had been a disaster, I decided I did not inherit my father's prosperity. Instead I had his awkwardness. Dumb genetics!

    My father came back at that point smiling. "We got in a big order for kayaks."

    Gerd smiled. "That's great news. I think you've bored poor Magnus with all your taxes though."

    My father scratched his back. I had the impression he was looking for a way to say sorry. "Magnus, you've learned enough about taxes for now. Let's go get some ice cream."

      "Can I invite Alex and her grandfather?" I asked.

        My father smiled. "Sure and I'll pay. My treat to you. I'll get the car started."

     He left and Gerd met my gaze, smiling. "You're just like your father."

      I loved my dad, but I really hoped I wasn't.