could this be real? (bvb fan fiction)

fear

ADDY'S POV:

i sat next to jinxx forcing myself to smile, the pain was killing me honestly it felt like my whole body was going to brake if i moved or smiled anymore but i needed to keep smiling. i couldnt let anyone see through it.

i looked around everyone was trying not to make me shake agin. "guys I'm fine see" i said leaning over to jinxx and hugging him. mari flinched a little expecting me to brake agin but i forced it down jinxx was my eric around here, i could never fear him at least i don't think i could. 

jinxx wrapped his arms around me and i felt some what safe there sitting with his arms around me. i looked around no one was buying it as much as i wished they would. 

maybe if i sat next to ashley they would buy it but could i force that fear down? i pushed myself even though every single nerve in my body screamed at me not to. i walked over to ashley looked right in his eyes then sat on his lap like i would have any other day. 

my whole body filled with fear, like he would crush me at an second like sitting in his lap was standing on the edge of the tallest building and i was about to be pushed by him. 

but i love him and i need to prove that they don't need to worry i need to do this, i didn't shake i sat hoping to god he wouldn't make any sudden movements like i was a hurt cat scared to move. 

he didn't move and everyone still looked at me, they seemed satisfied with what i had done all except mari who looked how i felt, like i would brake any second worse then before. 

i made sure not to look at ashley i couldn't do that, "see I'm fine" i said looking at mari. "ok" she said unsure sitting across from me and ashley. i kept my focus on not rolling over in pain and fear. 

i closed my eyes, now the fear was slightly fading but the pain was taking over. i moved my hand over my ribs and grabbed slightly trying to subside the pain. ashley and mari noticed. 

"are you ok?" they both seemed to ask at once. "im fine..." i tried to get out but the pain was to much i leaned back closer to ashley holding my side so tightly like it was the only thing keeping me alive the gip i had on my rib. 

i begged for ashley to help every time in the past i felt pain this tour he killed the pain with a touch. i curled into him. "it hurts" i said tears balling up into him. he hugged me tightly helping the pain putting more pressure on my ribs helping me keep hold of my ribs.

mari shot up and i heard her going through some stuff. she finally walked over to me and said "take the pain pill" i couldn't move i was in to much pain, ashley refused to let go he could tell his touch was why i wasn't screaming in pain. 

mari sighed then put the pill in my hand and i put it in my mouth she handed me some water to wash it down the second i took a sip i curled right back up in pain. ashley still holding me tightly. i breathed him in. 

i sat there in pain everyone looking at me, intill the pill stared to kick in and the pain slowly very slowly faded. i moved my arms from around me slowly and sat up ashley letting go. 

i looked at everyone, my face was soaked in tears from the pain. mari looked like i did and the guys looked like they couldn't move out of fear i would brake agin. i couldn't handle the looks. 

i turned into ashley and wrapped my arms around him putting my face on his chest, at first he didn't want to hug me and a scare me agin but i squeezed him tighter and he wrapped his arms around me. 

i breathed trying to calm down this sucks i cant brake in front of others they are going to think I'm weak they are going to hurt me if they see me like this i need to pull myself together. 

i finally let go of ashley and looked around, all the guys had stopped looking at me. "is there something i can get you?" jake asked kindly. i shook my head slightly. 

all the guys looked at me. "im fine" i said quietly. "no your not" andy spoke up." his voice was strong and deep, any time in the past after i had been let out of the hospital their music was what soothed me andy voice kept me calm now his tone scared the crap out of me like he was about to turn around and slap me. i closed my eyes taking in sharp breaths trying not to shake. "andy don't yell at her" ashley said calmly wrapping his arms back around me. 

"im sorry i didn't mean to" andy's voice was scared and quiet now. "alright addy why don't you go take a nap and listen to some music like you always do, want black veil brides?" mari stared. 

i shook my head almost shaking "no" i breathed out. "i don't want music" i said quietly. i could hear mari stop breathing for a second, i had never once refused music before its how i cope music always calms this whole thing down. 

ashley hugged me then mari said "are you sure?" i shook my head no. mari walked over to me and said "come on." she helped me stand up then walked me to my bunk and handed me my phone with head phones,

"music helps you, every single time this happens, black veil brides has helped you music is your life addy, you and i both know its what you need now put on your favorite playlist and play the songs like savior that have always helped you." i shook my head at her and turned on my music to satisfy her but the second she walked away i turned it off, i could listen to his voice.