could this be real? (bvb fan fiction)

why do i do this

I woke up next to andy he was smiling at me and i looked in his deep grey blue eyes i smiled and said “what are you looking at?” 

he smiled more then moved closer witch was hard we are already so close then he said “nothing your just always so beautiful” then he kissed my nose.

i smiled agin then looked away and said “your insane.” he pulled my head to him and said “don’t say that you are the most beautiful girl i have ever seen.” i smiled at him then kissed him. thats when i heard ashley say “hey andy hurry up and get out here!”

i sighed then looked at him and said “ i guess you have to go now.” he grabbed my hand then got off then bunk and pulled me off and we walked in the room. then ash said “sorry addy didn't mean to wake you up to.”

i hugged him then said “its all good.” then i sat next to jinxx who hugged me and said “morrning sweet thing.” i hugged him to then we both looked at mari and jake who where making out and cc said “get a room your worse then ash!” 

we all laughed as jake and mari stood up and walked to the bunks. andy said “why did you want me ash?” ash looked at me and said “can we talk somewhere else band meeting?” i looked at ash then said “woah what did i do?” he said “i need to talk to andy about it first.” 

i shook my head then said “if you don't tell me what it is i'll get mad.” he sighed then said “i have been noticing a pattern with you addy…” i looked at him my head racing 

what pattern what was i doing he needed to talk to others about? 

he continuied then said “ i noticed you started wearing a lot of bracelets, and you have been sad lately. I'm just worried about you.” i took a deep breath i didn’t know what to do. 

i sat there with everyone looking from one to another it seemed like it lasted 10 years but it was only a couple seconds. then andy said “ok addy whats happeneing?” 

i shook my head then said “i don't know what you are talking about…” ashley walked over to me then before i knew what was happening he grabbed my hand pulled up my arm and pushed down my bracelets and almost yelled “im talking about this!” 

everyone stared at me it seemed like it lasted even longer then before and then andy said “addy what have you been doing!” it was as loud as ashley before. then i finally pulled my hand away from ashley grip and i looked down. 

then mari spoke up she must have heard ashley earlier and came running in. she said “addy i thought we talked about this you haven’t even told me you have been bad agin.”

i looked away agin then cc spoke up and said “guys this isn't the way to go your making her worse look at her she has no clue what to say.” 

i looked up then said “i just want some space" then i stood up and ran out the door. i ran a bit so they cant see where i was going.

 then i stopped and started walking slower. thank god for venues with everyone scattering to set up for the show i get lost in a crowd. 

i sat down and started watching everyone set up there was some local band about to go on in an hour. thats when people start to show up and people with vip passes will show up for a signing. 

 i didn't know why i had started agin why i was so sad if i cant figure it out i cant explain it to others. i dont know why i feel a need for a blade to be on my skin i dont know why when scares start to fade i want to make more i just do. 

thats when chris walked up to me and said “addy i have been looking for you for half an hour.” i looked up my face was puffy and red i had been crying when he saw my face he said “add what happened?”

i tried to catch my breath and after a couple trys i said “i don't know why its been bad how can i defend myself when ashley brings it up infront of everyone.” 

i started crying agin then he held out his hand and helped me up then hugged me and said “he didn't mean it to hurt you he's worried we all are and addy, andy has been crying since you left.” 

i shook my head then said “why?’’ he held my hand then lead me torwds the bus and said “why don't you talk to him about it?” 

i got on the bus and saw ashley sitting next to andy who had his head in his hands. i said “andy?” thats when they both looked up and said together “addy!” 

i walked over to andy and said “whats wrong?” he looked up he looked as bad as me and he said “seeing you hurt hurts me and when you hurt your self you might as well cut me along with you because thats what this is doing to me.” 

ash looked at me as i said “i don't know what to say i don't know why i do it, i don't even know why its been getting bad i can't explain it to myself let alone a room full of people who i can see i hurt.” 

andy looked at me and said “addy its not all that hard to figure out why your so sad, sad enough to hurt yourself!” 

“andy i don't think you understand i cant even explain it I'm so done and yes i love you but so what I'm still depressed did you think we would start going out and it would cure everything?”

i turned away then ashley said “im going to go now.” and stood up i held out my hand and said “no you are staying you to chris!” i said as i saw him trying to slip out the door. 

andy said “no i didn't think that at all but i thought you would come to me to tell me when things got bad instead of one of us having to point it out and frankly I'm pissed at myself for not being the one to say anything i just didn't connect to dots.”

“andy look ok i didn't come to you because i don't want to bring you down.” “you cant bring me down by coming to me only if you don't you bring me down.” john there tour manager opened the door then said “hey guys the signing is soon hurry it up!”

andy stood up then walked over to me and said “i need to go.’ then left. i watched him leave and slam the door behind him then i turned to ash and i sat on the couch then said “ i don't even know what I'm doing anymore.”