WHAT IF

What If - Chapter 20

SEJEONG

Seeing Sehun again, after that night makes my heart beating wildly and every time the space between us gets closer whenever our shoulders would graze it makes me hold my breath, afraid that just this will make me more vulnerable. But now that Sehun suddenly left, I could immediately feel the void of not having him around and just now I volunteered to clean up, making myself busy here in the kitchen, as I walk back to Wendy and Chanyeol to get the other plates I can hear Wendy say a familiar name.

"Irene?" I asked looking back at Wendy and Chanyeol and I can see the slight tension when I meet Chanyeol's eyes.

When I didn't get any response I continued "You know her?" I asked redirecting my question to Chanyeol, and he avoids my eyes and looks back at Wendy. Wendy looks up to me and glances back at Chanyeol nudging his shoulder. 

Chanyeol clears his throat getting ready to speak "Uh, yeah I know Irene we've met a lot of times before." Chanyeol answers back, but his words make me feel like it's not just that, like there's more to it, as if the important details were left on purpose.

I nodded "Okay" I answered sounding like more an open question, I want to ask more but I don't wanna pry Chanyeol if he doesn't wanna tell me about it. I only wait for a little hoping he would continue but there's nothing but silence, so I decided to pick up the plates again but as I was about to Wendy's voice cuts through the silence.

"Just tell her, I know it's not my place but I am kind of pissed at Sehun right now that he left just to attend to Irene's request just like that. I kept telling Sejeong that she should trust Sehun and her feelings but --- " 

I cut Wendy's words "Ah Wendy it's -" but soon as I spoke she waves and cuts me off.

"Sorry Seje, it's just. I am so upset right now. I thought you and Sehun would get to talk tonight and all but he left."

I look at the two, feeling confuse "Wendy I don't understand where this is going? And I don't understand what's Irene got to do with him leaving just now?"

"Irene was Sehun's ex," Chanyeol speaks up, and I never thought that with only four words my heart would be crushed.

It shouldn't be, but the next words that Chanyeol were saying finally fit into place, unto why were Sehun's anxious upon seeing Irene back that night, the atmosphere between them is because of their history, and knowing how Sehun was when they broke up. Is that also why all this time he wasn't able to date, and get into a relationship because he was still waiting for her to come back? And that night, the moment we had, he must be just so confused from seeing her back again and those feelings were just reflected at me because I am the one that was with him that night, that's what it is right? Of course, that's it, and if I didn't hold on to my senses that night he sure would've regretted it. But now that she's finally back of course they should get back together, they definitely look good together.

Of course, there's nothing between us I mean we're just two good friends, I know I said to Wendy how I feel about Sehun and this is why I was so adamant about it because we're only just good friends, but why does this feel like a hard slap into reality. 

"I told you Wendy, Sehun, and I are just good friends." I cut the deep silence off, only realizing it when I get back into my senses.

"No, Sejeong it's not like that," Chanyeol answers me instead.

Feeling I would lose myself sooner "Guys, sorry but I forgot there's an important document I need to send tonight. I cleaned up everything in the kitchen, this is all that's left. Sorry I really need to go!"

Before they could say anything again, I stood up and hurried to the door not waiting for any reply from Wendy and Chanyeol.

What almost happened was not supposed to be for me, never in that way, there's no one to blame but me for thinking and feeling there's a possibility. I'm such a hypocrite, I know I've said it a lot of times to Wendy but deep inside I know I thought of the possibilities and imagined how it would be between the two of us being more than friends. I was afraid of admitting it myself but seeing Sehun today after that night and how everything just falls into place with him, when I thought everything would be so awkward between us after that night, but no, with him everything was just easy and comfortable. The side glances I notice from him earlier, when I see him staring at me, the sparks when we get closer to each other. Did I just imagine that? Or am I just giving too much meaning to his actions?

I guess I probably did because right now he's with Irene, they're probably trying to rekindle the old fire. 

I made the right decision to hold back myself that night, we're good with just being just friends.